visits the library only to look up porn on the public computers.

^Visits the library just to watch for people looking up said lewd materials.

As to the first bit: Have you not heard of self check-in kiosks in libraries? They are actually now a thing in some places(similar to self serve supermarket checkouts).

As to the second bit: Some libraries hire people who like to do such to restock books/do odd tasks.

Some people like to watch porn at the library. Some people go to the library just to look for people who are watching porn. ^ This guy goes to the library to watch the people who are already watching the porn-watchers.

^ manages to watch himself watch porn... somehow

^ He knows that is possible, yet who would care to do so?

^He knows every fetish or interest of man(and woman) there is.

Lovers of recursive imagery, perhaps? :)

^ up until recently, he thought the word fetish was the english version of fetuccine.

^ He prefers "honeymoon salad" (no dressing and lettuce alone).

He hits the wrong people with his staff, believes liars and serves peasants.

^ He doubts the sincerity peasants and believes the lies of the aristocracy.

^ believes that the emperor's new clothes are skin-tight and flesh-colored.

Is jealous of their emperor's complicated love affairs, that leaked to universal press recently!

^ prefers to speak to the universal press, to deliver his message, than to the international press because the international press are perceived to be biased against aliens.

^ The paparazzi follows him everywhere.

^ called his footwear "the wandering souls".