Posted January 29, 2015
I stare horrified at the newcomer, mouth agape. "How dare you! All bare witness that this person is an imposter!" I smack him/her with the vehemence of a thousand thousand (a million, for the mathematically challenged) angry gorillas. "I have three things to say to you: firstly, mushrooms are disgusting, and no one in their right mind would ever eat them - not to mention the fact that your snout is attached to your shoulder now. How do you expect to eat like that? Have you learned nothing from my lecture on anatomy pertaining to perpetual anal explosions? Secondly, why would you want to attract the attention of zombie Nazis? Have you ever even been to a concentration camp? They don't have Netflix, you know! And thirdly, it is not your place to tell this story! I am the dungeon master, and I hereby sentence you to life imprisonment in said dungeon (but you can still submit instructions like everyone else)."