(I think I'll go to hell for this one)
You chug several thousands of cases of red cream soda while watching History of the World, Part 1 on your Oculus Rift, and it gives you an idea. You look up and notice that the cave is so tall that you can't see the ceiling. You assume that it leads all the way up to the top of the mountain, and hopefully there is an exit there. You think back to the movie, and decide to become a real-life piss-boy! You take off your pants and let the now-digested red cream soda flow through you like sand through an hourglass - so are the days... Wait, scratch that - that's a different story. Anyway, you fill the whole cave with so much urine that you float upward toward the ceiling. The troll is so dense (physically as well as mentally) that he can neither swim nor float, so he drowns with the goblins. The orange slushy of Mr. T. Rex melts in the warm piss, leaving only the ghost of Mr. T. behind, who pities his own feeble existence. You and Gudj float up toward a hole in the cave ceiling, as I fly out using my jetpack to avoid being pissed on. Mr. T. also flies out, because he's a ghost. As you nearly reach the top, you finally finish relieving your bladder, and are unable to continue, with about 20 feet of altitude yet to go. You have no more cream soda. You could drink the piss and recycle it, but you wouldn't add any more than you subtract. So instead, you just sink into a deep depression, hopelessly wishing that you could reach the exit. Gudj tries to cheer you up by relaying a long list of complements, which causes his dick to poke you in the eye. You tell him to aim that thing out of the way. He aims it strait up and complements you on your assertiveness. By now his dick is long enough that it pokes through the hole (no pun intended). You use it as a ladder and climb the rest of the way to freedom, then pause to pull up Gudj by his cock. All the penile manipulation causes him to cover the entire mountainside with a thick layer of jizz. You're still wearing the Oculus Rift, and you strap all the DVDs onto your back. After all, you wouldn't want to abandon the treasure. You knock Gudj over, press his balls against the ground, stand on his back, and pull his arms and legs up off of the ground. His balls twist and roll like wheels, and you use his body to ski all the way down the back side of the slimy mountain. As you reach the bottom, you realize that you're back in the town you live in, and your adventure is over. But what's this? You see Bill! Or, at least, some facsimile of Bill, like a bunch of Bill parts stitched together in zombie form. Also, the deer is standing next to him, and he has his arm around it.
"Bill!" you shout. "Where have you been? I thought you were dead!"
"I was," says Bill, "and it was a real bitch trying to stitch my whole body back together with just my arm. But then this deer helped me out, and I managed to become whole again. We got to talking, and it turns out we have a lot in common. We both have a salt fetish!"
"That's great, Bill," you reply, "...I guess. But how did you get here?"
"I took a cab," answers Bill. "Why do you always like to do things the hard way? Anyway, I married the deer."
"Well she's absolutely gorgeous!" exclaims Gudj, making his 300 foot long cock shoot down the deer's throat.
"Hey," says Bill, "she's my wife!"
Later, Gudj gets a job in porn, Bill and Mr. T. form a club for undead losers, the deer eats vegetables from people's gardens, you move out of your grandmother's basement - and into the laundry room, and I get on with more important things. See ya, suckers!
The End
Your score is: 11 out of 49537965 points!