>Shout at aardvark

The aardvark wakes up and growls some more... or maybe its stomach growls. So it eats Bill's pants. You laugh at Bill for wearing Pokémon underwear, but something more interesting presents itself - the following items fall out of Bill's pocket:

a wallet
nose hair clippers
a sonic screwdriver
a liquid screwdriver
his police badge

>

>drink screwdriver

You put the sonic screwdriver in your mouth and choke on it, causing you to vomit, which you catch in the flask. It mixes with the deer semen and becomes a powerfully explosive chemical. You decide to be careful with it. On the bright side, the sonic screwdriver automatically repaired three cavities in your teeth!

>

> examine wallet

The wallet is made of the finest raccoon leather. You open it. Inside is a gift card for Chuck-E-Cheese, a few Canadian coins, and six credit cards, each with different people's names on them. Also, there's a small photograph of Bill with Mr. T. How does Bill know Mr. T? you wonder.

>

>Use flask on aardvark

You dump the liquid onto the aardvark, and it explodes, but so does Bill, you asshole! Also, you couldn't get far enough away in time, so the aardvark shrapnel severs your right arm. Fortunately, the aardvark's snout is intact, so you just stick that where your arm had been. Good as new. Of course, now the bodies that you could have climbed over to get out are gone, and you need to figure out another way to climb out of the hole.

>

(I'll have to leave in a few minutes, and we can continue this tomorrow. You can still post more any time though.)

>Climb out

You're unable to just climb out. It's too deep. Think of alternate ways. Gotta go.

>

> Start digging or sniffing 45 degrees up, in a South West side of the hole

>Throw away Canadian coins as they are utterly worthless.

>Look

> Start digging or sniffing 45 degrees up, in a South West side of the hole

You sniff so hard that air rushes through your nose and lungs and all the way through your body and out your tight little asshole (anatomy lessons aside), causing it to compress and heat so much that your farts ignite it! You spread your arms (one being an aardvark snout, so there are stability issues) and fly, using your respiratory and digestive systems as a natural jet engine. You fly out of the forest and back to the starting point.

>Throw away Canadian coins as they are utterly worthless.

You toss the coins. Keep in mind that you are currently in Canada, so you just threw away all your money.

>Look

There are forests to the west and east. To the north is a mountain with a waterfall. To the south is Texas and Mexico.

I am once again standing in front of you, holding a shovel, and quite irate about your insult to my guacamole recipe.

>

>Look
From the woods edge you continue to watch the small herd of strange hairy bipedals twitch, gesture, and make funny noises. 'GWA-GWA-KA-MOLEEEE, GWAKAMOLEEE!!" is heard repeatedly. You wonder if its a mating dance, though doubt the odd smelling beasts would make it through the winter. You sigh and return to grubbing for mushrooms with your snout under the pine needles from last year hoping that the noisy herd will at least attract the attention of the zombie nazis up the hill.