^ Unwillingly dyes his beard by dipping it into flour while baking

^ Dislikes beards because of such inconveniences.

^ He is unable to grow a full beard.

^ is not six feet tall, but six feet under.

^ Is six feet tall and six feet under, so that the top of his head is just barely underground.

^ All his base are belong to us.

^ Can drink a bottle of Absinthe without getting drunk.

^ He knows that because he witnessed HeresMyAccount drink his entire stash of absinthe without becoming intoxicated.

Was party to creating said stash of absinthe for HeresMyAccount...

^ He delivered the parcels of absinthe via stealthy drones in the dark of night.

^ Once threw a Frisbee into a moving car.

^ SpatulaSpork taped the full technical specifications for the Stealth Absinthe Parcel Delivery Drone System onto a Frisbee, which he then artfully threw into the (conveniently) open window of the speeding Ferrari F-150 of Hooyaaah in order to pass blame away from the true creator of this sinister contraption.

^ Uses these forums to secretly sell homemade absinthe while putting the blame on others

^ He has been secretly absconding with "samples" of said absinthe for personal consumption.

^ Uses homemade absinthe as hand disinfectant.

Brews Moonshine in the backyard.