Friggin' business spam email...
"Dear <website> Team Member,
Your website sucks! It has all sorts of technical errors! People aren't able to find you or your site! You aren't on social media! You don't turn up on searches with the most popular search terms! You're spending too much on AdWords and they aren't generating traffic!"
Dear Doucheweasel Website Ranking "Expert" (which is probably just some generic automated web crawler that looks for email addresses and spits out emails),
You don't know squat. When people search for <brand name of the machines I work on> and "tech", "technician", "parts", or "service", guess whose website is always within the top three hits? Mine! "Most popular search terms"? Yeah, when people search for "Lindsay Lohan + drunken stupor" or "Miley Cyrus + flashing boobs", they don't find my site. Are my customers taking time out of their busy production day to surf facebook and twitter to find machine techs and parts? NO!
I love this part at the end:
"P.S: - This is our marketing strategy to use a Gmail account. Once you reply us back, we will communicate with you through our corporate Email ID."
LOL - no mention of the company name. Go boink yourself. Yes, my site is working so poorly that a customer called me last week saying he found me through a web search. Generated one small sale from that search and should lead to a larger parts sale within the month.
I don't mind you soliciting your services to me. I do mind when it's obvious you have no stinkin' idea what you're talking about, and then can't give me a real contact with which to check out YOUR OWN website.