Every night, the average person accidentally swallows 317 spiders in their sleep.

Uhhhhh.....no. :P

Dancing the tango in a horse costume can reduce the number of spiders, but only on tuesdays.

I threw a boiled cabbage at a spider once but I ended up with cold cabbage instead. This is why it's important to be able to run really fast, stockpile duct tape and sing christmas songs while balancing a square balloon on your nose. The spider also said I looked like Jar Jar Binks. It hurt my feelings :(

So I sez to him, I sez, "I put my pants on just like any other man -- one arm at a time." HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW!

Your butt-flap joke on page 1 made me laugh so hard I wet my mustache, which is why you should never play polo with elephant seals and beered-up panda groomers.

Duct tape use #40,235.

A word that exists, but that one rarely hears: landladies.

Ok, I checked once more, to be real sure, really absolutely 100% positive.

"Midnight" is the best Doctor Who episode.

Darn my complete and utter inability to use foul language properly. Darn it to ducking heck.

Never forget, the rain is never air.

------

Like a twist in the rain, like feathers in my mind, how hard hitting my incident response might get nound.

The knee.

I remember when I remember I remember when I lost my mind

I learnt today that the grizzly bear's latin name (ursus arctos horribilis) translates to bear [latin] bear [greek] horrible.

And the Eurasian Brown Bear (ursus arctos arctos) is Bear bear BEAR!

I'm pretty drunk right now. Been thinking....


Alcohol vs marijuana. Which is better.

Please discuss... Sequitur this shit.