^ Grew long hair and a beard to hide that he is Col. Sanders in disguise.

Is best friends with Ronald Mcdonald and spars with him in judo.

^ thinks that there is a red-nosed reindeer named Ronald, who pulls Santa's sleigh.

^ Has just discovered that Ronald McDonald is the red-nosed reindeer!!!

^ He's always been rude to Dolph and gives him a bloody red nose every time.

^ He's rude to dolphins and gives them bloody blowholes every time.

^ He was the slayer of the last remaining unicorn.

^ He ground up the horn and snorted it because he thought it would treat erectile dysfunction.

^ He still hasn't opened that Christmas present from me yet. (If "porch pirates" filch it, don't worry, as I am certain that there are other attributes of men which women appreciate.)

^ Once took a photo with a few hobbits during a football game of their favorite team, wearing red t-shirts. Since that day, everyone in Middle Earth makes jokes about Santa and his elves attending sports.

^ sleepwalks like an Egyptian.

^ is a cat heater

^ Is a dog chiller.

^ he messed with crabo and got a stabo

^ makes baseless allegations against Other people