Granted, GoG forum member Tauto is once again single and available.

You both elope and regularly copulate.

I wish I was copulating.

Granted. You are now pregnant.

I wish the sexual stuff would be kept away from this sort of topic.

Granted, there is no sexual stuffing in this topic.

I wish I was stuffed.

I thought so, complete strangers were telling me I was glowing and looking radiant.

Plus I've also had a white milky discharge exuding from my mammary glands.

Granted! You're now a proud taxidermy by the famous Chuck Testa. How's that for spicy old memes?

I wish I had a set of wish granting orbs.

Granted, but unfortunately there is no way to tell the orbs what wish to grant, so their effects are unpredictable and often bad.

I wish that there were a way to consistently define a finite number to be the sum of the infinite series
1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + ...

Granted, but you must double-up on your medication for it to make sense.

Gosh your wishes suck; it's no wonder you're -48, no wonder at all.

I wish that I had X-Ray vision.

Granted, but you now see a medusa on the other side of the wall, and turn to stone as a result.

In Pokemon Red, I wish I knew how much damage Tackle does when used by a Pokemon with 256 Attack against one with 3 Defense.

(If you actually try this, the game softlocks.)

Thanks, I loved being stoned.

BTW, I've missed you so much Miss Dee that I've found all your posts and voted them up.

I did this because I love you.

Due to your null wish, the thread softlocks.

I wish this thread would reboot.

Granted. Unfortunately, it fails to finish loading and a triple fault occurs, causing the thread to reboot *again*, and the same thing happens, yielding an infinite reboot loop.

I wish that TwoHandedSword would trade the rapier for a magic spell.

Granted, however, there was a mix up and he now has the rape spell.

He uses it to digitally penetrate his opponents.

I wish I was rich so I could buy more shiny things.

Granted, but you are only allowed to buy shiny things for me.

I wish had a beer right now.

Seems the message got corrupted: now have a bear. Watch out!

(Also, it seems that a word is missing in the wish, so the grant also had the corresponding word omitted.

I wish for the next Zelda game (the one after Breath of the Wild) to have a female Link, with no option for a male one.

Wish granted, i also prefer my elves female, with pointy ears and all catchy stereotypes, heh! But instead of a sword, she mains a spear!

I wish for president Trump to keep up the good work; day one sends Killary home and prevents WW3, few weeks later he promises to put CETA and TTIP back to where they belong, deep-in the people's (who conceived them) behinds!