^ is Willy Wonka.

^ is a chocolate factory.

^ Went into a shop and bought a chocolate. He asked another client to unwrap it for him. Obviously, he didn't know that the chocolate was drm-free.

^ Is an avid proponent of DRM-free sex toys.

^ He is an avid user of same.

^ Thinks wielding dual pistols should be illegal.

^ He knows the danger of not aiming two pistols well as opposed to using both hands and muscle memory to wield only one sidearm proficiently.

^ Likes to aim two pistols forward and slightly at inward angles, to try to shoot them simultaneously and see if the bullets will collide and ricochet off of each other.

^ He has perfected that trick and once used it to stop a bank from being robbed by two armed "suspects"; it was all over the news.

^ He was the reporter who got promoted after covering that

^ By "covering that", he means covering the corpse of a victim with a tarp.

^ Is his promoter, that helped him to kill said bank security and revert the news so that they would stay with the money. Now everyone believes that they're heroes, when, actually, they're the robbers.

^a master of psyops

^ Master Blaster

^ his walking into Mordor was sponsored by Raid: Shadow Legends.