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Rozenman: You are me man! But it depends though sometimes i have no desire to contact people whom i have lost contacts i dunno why.
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P1na: It depends on how close you were originally, I suppose, but it does sometimes feel a bit awkward to send that first message. But I typically get very friendly replies, so I just send it and if I get nothing back it's not like I lost anything anyway.
Yeah you nailed it.
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darthspudius: I'll think of something. To be honest, at least you keep in touch to a point. I'm guessing you simply enjoy your privacy?
Nope, I'm just lazy. I don't enjoy sending messages every X period of time, I much rather suddenly say "hey, I'm around town, how about we got for a beer and catch up?" and then tell a bunch of anecdotes and have a generally fun time.
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Rozenman: Yeah you nailed it.
There was this one guy I was very close to at university, but we were originally from different towns and I moved to Belgium and he moved to England so we naturally grew appart. When I moved to Ireland, I contacted him and dropped by Plymouth once to visit him. Then radio silence for another 2 or so years, and then I sent him another message: "Sorry dude, I'm in London but I won't have time to pass by your place this time". His reply, "actually, I just moved to London!" So we went for lunch and it was nice.
Post edited June 06, 2015 by P1na
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darthspudius: Just curious to know if anyone else ended up in this position in their life.
Sure. The people who were my closest friends at school (including high school), we all have our own lives now, new friends that we see more often etc. Occasionally we do get together to kind of think of the old times (usually to some cabin in the woods, just drinking, going to sauna, eating well and talking shit), but there's been awhile for those as well. Maybe I should remind them.

That also reminds me that maybe my closest friend ever (who I actually got to know through my big brother, as they were on the same class, ie. he is a few years older than me), we kind of grew apart as well over the years.

I once got hold of him and invited him over, but it was an odd experience. It really felt we didn't have much to say to each other, it was awkward. And kinda sad. Kinda like asking "so, what have you been doing these last 10 years we haven't seen?" seemed kinda odd. I guess we grew apart, it didn't feel anymore like we know each other.
Post edited June 06, 2015 by timppu
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timppu: Sure. The people who were my closest friends at school (including high school), we all have our own lives now, new friends that we see more often etc. Occasionally we do get together to kind of think of the old times (usually to some cabin in the woods, just drinking, going to sauna, eating well and talking shit), but there's been awhile for those as well. Maybe I should remind them.

...
Something tells me you've never seen Friday the 13th. Or perhaps cabins in the woods are only deadly in America, hmm...
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darthspudius: I need a little life advice from you old guys on here. It seems my (oh so dear) friends are doing a good job of replacing myself and our other chums in our wee group. Our list of friends grows shorter every day. Is this an age thing? Growing apart and so on?!

My best friend in particular has made a great deal of effort to get new chums to do everything we once did. I'm not sure if I should be offended or not. It's not like I have done anything to him.

Just curious to know if anyone else ended up in this position in their life.
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BreOl72: I'm in a comparable situation - sort of.

My best friend and I had a lot in common (same work, taste in music, political attitude, etc.)

Then he changed his job, moved away, met a woman...now they have three kids, he has new colleagues, with whom he spends most of his free time.

Now, first, we saw each other on a more or less regular base - and it was fun, we still went on concerts, binged, talked about this and that - everything like before.

After a while, however, that changed.

Suddenly, whenever I asked, if we'd go to a concert or have a drink, he refused.

All he wanted to do, was coming over to my place, sitting in my living room and talk about his "new life".

Asking me for my opinion, but then never following my advice...BUT at the next visit, asking for my opinion on the very same topic again.

At every single visit, he started telling me, how much fun he had with his new friends, while also complaining about his new job, the wife and the hassle he went through.

It felt like having one deja-vu after the other.

In short: I was used as a dumpster for all his worries and annoyances, had no fun at all anymore with him being around, and got to hear about how well he liked being with other people (to which he never complained - so my impression, at least).

Long story short: I was the one who cut the connection.

A friend lost? Maybe.
But then again - the friend I once had, was long gone, anyway.
He wanted you to be the "bad guy" in the sense that he wanted you to be the one that cuts "the connection".

That's why his behavior towards you was like that. It was planned. So he can go to his friends and family and then be like "hey look, BreOl72 ditched me". He did not want to be the one that ditches you because then he would come across as the bad guy.

Seems like that to me.

Friendships are nothing but temporary relationships of convenience. People want to be your friends when you bring something valuable to the table. When that stops, so does the friendship.
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timppu: Sure. The people who were my closest friends at school (including high school), we all have our own lives now, new friends that we see more often etc. Occasionally we do get together to kind of think of the old times (usually to some cabin in the woods, just drinking, going to sauna, eating well and talking shit), but there's been awhile for those as well. Maybe I should remind them.

...
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Matewis: Something tells me you've never seen Friday the 13th. Or perhaps cabins in the woods are only deadly in America, hmm...
Isn't it always the people who start having sex that are killed in those movies? We never do that there.
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timppu: Isn't it always the people who start having sex that are killed in those movies? We never do that there.
Nah, if memory serves the first person from the group that gets killed is always the one that winds up by himself/herself for whatever reason, like wandering away to check out something.
I miss my old partying group. Was some of the most fun times I've ever had. Damned aging.
Well, when people get married, engaged, or try getting into a serious relationship, most of the times, this is usually to the expense of friendships (to be precise, time spent with friends), even if they are old pals from way back. Or other, various obligations of life. Everyone really has it tough and many times, this is not a kind excuse to cut other people off, or give them less time... Life today is hard and difficult, with hard choices and peculiar priorities, most of them discovered while you (or anyone, frankly) gets older.

I would be glad if my friends had been honest with me and told me something along those lines, but i am afraid, my case is not very normal.

I am not being ironic here, but please, try to be glad that people are honest with you. They could play friend, stick to you and damage you into impossible and unimaginable ways. My life is almost ruined by previous friends of mine.

Your BEST friend, first and foremost, is your own self. Even it might betray you sometimes, but not in a way to do you real harm. Also, friendship nowadays, alas, is VERY overrated. Like most ancient relics and customs of antiquity that had been invented and prospered then, today their real meanings and values have been terribly tarnished, warped, twisted even. Once upon a time, friendship had been something holy and sacred, coupled with vows; today, at least from personal experience, i cannot even begin to describe the aftereffects i received from trying to dabble in that damnable thing.

I wish you the best of luck. As well as adaptability and evolution. Not being dependent to something that can really harm you a lot and has worse chances than gambling to bring you anything good, is a wonderful thing.
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timppu: Isn't it always the people who start having sex that are killed in those movies? We never do that there.
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Matewis: Nah, if memory serves the first person from the group that gets killed is always the one that winds up by himself/herself for whatever reason, like wandering away to check out something.
Well then, as long as no one needs to go to toilet or anything, we should be fine.
Post edited June 06, 2015 by timppu
People change, fortunately and unfortunately. Most of them aren't even aware of this and don't care at all. They live life according to what benefits/amuses them at the moment. It takes a bit of effort to meet people with character who aren't going to turn into flakes down the road.
I think it's a normal way of life, my best friend used to visit me very often. He always had other friends from his job but ever since he got a gf we don't see each other much and he still meets his other work friends outside of work.

There's no hard feelings between us though, we always had different tastes in certain areas. Sometimes I visit his family even when he's not home.