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I need a little life advice from you old guys on here. It seems my (oh so dear) friends are doing a good job of replacing myself and our other chums in our wee group. Our list of friends grows shorter every day. Is this an age thing? Growing apart and so on?!

My best friend in particular has made a great deal of effort to get new chums to do everything we once did. I'm not sure if I should be offended or not. It's not like I have done anything to him.

Just curious to know if anyone else ended up in this position in their life.
I feel like it's one of those thing that you need to cather your friendship, if you keep going out with them and having fun then the friendship will maintain but if you limit to saying hello from time to time then it comes to a point that they just ignore you.
Or it could be just those shitty friends that don't care or just want something from you, i had this friend of mine complaining about his group of friends (from University) that is ignoring him after he went to work on another country, they used to have dinner together and hang out but now they didn't even ask how's he doing over there on the new country/job.
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Cyraxpt: I feel like it's one of those thing that you need to cather your friendship, if you keep going out with them and having fun then the friendship will maintain but if you limit to saying hello from time to time then it comes to a point that they just ignore you.
Or it could be just those shitty friends that don't care or just want something from you, i had this friend of mine complaining about his group of friends (from University) that is ignoring him after he went to work on another country, they used to have dinner together and hang out but now they didn't even ask how's he doing over there on the new country/job.
Well just focusing on my so called best friend. We have known each other for 16 yrs now. Up until maybe a year ago we spoke every day. Always went to the pubs, concerts, cinema etc together. Proper socialising duo.

But there came a point where my health got worse, I got laid off 3 times in 6 months and he got a 30/40k a year job. Since then I have seem him maybe twice in a year. He's become abit of a drinker (who didn't drink for 15 yrs), got his new work buddies and has not seen me once.

We run a music website (like beside my name) and his effort in that has disappeared also. I genuinely feel ditched. Frustrating I think would be the word.
Considering that with all my traveling I hardly see any of my old friends, and that their attempts to get me into multiplayer gaming to keep contact have spectacularly failed... Yeah, I don't think I'm in any position to give others advice.
I have only one friend(atleast I can consider him as a friend) so i can't tell you about it. To me most people i meet are just like passengers in the bus(life) just some of them stay a bit longer some of them go out of it on the next station.
It reminds me of a situation where I lost about 20 contacts and drinking buddies because I stopped binge drinking.
One of the most heartbreaking things I ever saw was when I made new friends when I went to university. An old school friend of mine and myself stayed in a dorm for part of our first year, a shitty dorm mind you but that's besides the point. We met two other guys and the four of us just naturally started to hang out together, forming a new group. One guy in the group, say his name was Peter, like me had a really good old school friend, say his name was Jim, that also came with him to the same dorm. After a while I noticed that Peter preferred hanging out with us to hanging out with Jim. Jim was a nice guy and he repeatedly tried to get Peter to do hang out with him, only for Peter to always make an excuse, and I could see that Jim was gradually getting more and more upset as the months went by. Eventually the four of us left the shitty dorm together and moved into a commune. Never heard of Jim after that. It's sad, because both were great dudes, it's just that one started to prefer the company of his new friends. I'm not sure how to feel about the whole story.

Regarding your situation, I think I could also identify with it, regarding the school of friend of mine I mentioned above. We were best friends for 7 school years and used to do a lot of stuff together. The difference now is that I'm lucky if I see him once per month. Come to think of it, for the last couple of years, we only hang out 5 or so times per year if that. I don't feel too bad about it anymore and have come to accept it because he, unlike me, is an extremely social person with an enormous circle of friends which, importantly, he started to acquire as we got older and started to come into contact with more and more people. And he likes to hang out with a lot of them which, from this point of view, eats up his social time. I know however that he now prefers hanging out with them, just like what happened with Peter and Jim. But that's ok, even if I don't like it. I don't feel it's fair to be emotionally blackmailed into staying good/best friends if you don't want to. It's harsh, but that's the way it is.
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darthspudius: It reminds me of a situation where I lost about 20 contacts and drinking buddies because I stopped binge drinking.
Well i was in the same situation. The fact however is that they were not the buddies if they lost a contact to you just when you changed your habbits. In Russia we call them bottle mates. The fact however is that there are two types of people mostly 1) They will be with you till they can get some profits from it 2) Or those friends on interests which describes those who stick to you cos you got same interests habbits taste hobbys etc.
Ofc there are some exceptions but i described my point of view on the most common cases.
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Matewis: One of the most heartbreaking things I ever saw was when I made new friends when I went to university. An old school friend of mine and myself stayed in a dorm for part of our first year, a shitty dorm mind you but that's besides the point. We met two other guys and the four of us just naturally started to hang out together, forming a new group. One guy in the group, say his name was Peter, like me had a really good old school friend, say his name was Jim, that also came with him to the same dorm. After a while I noticed that Peter preferred hanging out with us to hanging out with Jim. Jim was a nice guy and he repeatedly tried to get Peter to do hang out with him, only for Peter to always make an excuse, and I could see that Jim was gradually getting more and more upset as the months went by. Eventually the four of us left the shitty dorm together and moved into a commune. Never heard of Jim after that. It's sad, because both were great dudes, it's just that one started to prefer the company of his new friends. I'm not sure how to feel about the whole story.

Regarding your situation, I think I could also identify with it, regarding the school of friend of mine I mentioned above. We were best friends for 7 school years and used to do a lot of stuff together. The difference now is that I'm lucky if I see him once per month. Come to think of it, for the last couple of years, we only hang out 5 or so times per year if that. I don't feel too bad about it anymore and have come to accept it because he, unlike me, is an extremely social person with an enormous circle of friends which, importantly, he started to acquire as we got older and started to come into contact with more and more people. And he likes to hang out with a lot of them which, from this point of view, eats up his social time. I know however that he now prefers hanging out with them, just like what happened with Peter and Jim. But that's ok, even if I don't like it. I don't feel it's fair to be emotionally blackmailed into staying good/best friends if you don't want to. It's harsh, but that's the way it is.
To be honest, my biggest concern is that he 1. shaved his long long hair 2. sold all his music 3. sold all his games 4. stopped gigging, which gives me the impression he is so busy trying to fit in with the cool kids at work.

It might just be me but it's quite depressing being 29 with no friends, social life or anyone to talk to in general. (probably why I spend more time on these forums). I mean, what would the point of going out to meet new people if it just starts that same cycle all over again.
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darthspudius: It reminds me of a situation where I lost about 20 contacts and drinking buddies because I stopped binge drinking.
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Rozenman: Well i was in the same situation. The fact however is that they were not the buddies if they lost a contact to you just when you changed your habbits. In Russia we call them bottle mates. The fact however is that there are two types of people mostly 1) They will be with you till they can get some profits from it 2) Or those friends on interests which describes those who stick to you cos you got same interests habbits taste hobbys etc.
Ofc there are some exceptions but i described my point of view on the most common cases.
Indeed, I don't miss those two faced gits at all lol. But it was a bit of pain getting use to be around 30 odd people to about 3 haha.
Post edited June 06, 2015 by darthspudius
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darthspudius: Well just focusing on my so called best friend. We have known each other for 16 yrs now. Up until maybe a year ago we spoke every day. Always went to the pubs, concerts, cinema etc together. Proper socialising duo.

But there came a point where my health got worse, I got laid off 3 times in 6 months and he got a 30/40k a year job. Since then I have seem him maybe twice in a year. He's become abit of a drinker (who didn't drink for 15 yrs), got his new work buddies and has not seen me once.

We run a music website (like beside my name) and his effort in that has disappeared also. I genuinely feel ditched. Frustrating I think would be the word.
It's really hard to say, i don't know you or your friend, since you said this "But there came a point where my health got worse, I got laid off 3 times in 6 months and he got a 30/40k a year job." i'm guessing that you're assuming that he ditched you because he was thinking that he would have to help you regarding that situation. Who knows...

I'll be honest here, even with this friendly persona that i have online i'm an introvert in real life, you can count with one hand those that i think that they are my real friends, and two of them are long distance (internet) friends.

I had to miss both weddings from two of my best friends (they're brothers and they married two sister in less than a year from each other) because of my financial situation and my mother's health (cancer). I'll be honest here, i thought that i was going to lose their friendship because it was the best day of their lives and i wasn't there but to this day we still maintain a strong friendship and they're still inviting me to go over there (uk) to hang out with them.
Well on the other hand maybe his friend kinda guy who looks only forward and he decided to make a kinda new life and in his souls he wants you to catch up, who knows?
It's really uneasy to judge because you don't know a shit about persons lol.
I follow one principe in my relationships with people " There are no unreplaceable people" but i can't advise it to everyone.
Post edited June 06, 2015 by Rozenman
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darthspudius: snip
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Cyraxpt: It's really hard to say, i don't know you or your friend, since you said this "But there came a point where my health got worse, I got laid off 3 times in 6 months and he got a 30/40k a year job." i'm guessing that you're assuming that he ditched you because he was thinking that he would have to help you regarding that situation. Who knows...
To be honest I think it more the fact that he is now hanging with a different crowd. A clean cut, well off crowd that is far from me and now my two cronies.But that is my suspicion. God knows what to think.
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darthspudius: ...
To be honest, my biggest concern is that he 1. shaved his long long hair 2. sold all his music 3. sold all his games 4. stopped gigging, which gives me the impression he is so busy trying to fit in with the cool kids at work.

It might just be me but it's quite depressing being 29 with no friends, social life or anyone to talk to in general. (probably why I spend more time on these forums). I mean, what would the point of going out to meet new people if it just starts that same cycle all over again.
I think there are three major transitions in most people's lives where their friendships drastically change: finishing school, getting into a serious relationship and moving somewhere else. The latter is probably the most destructive potentially, but overall I suspect that finishing school has the biggest impact. So if you're 29 then at least you don't have to worry about the worst one on the list, unless you're still in school that is :D We all lose friend eventually, eg. animal friends :( , but that's no reason to avoid making new friends. Especially since some people end up with friendships that last up to senility and beyond.
Post edited June 06, 2015 by Matewis
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darthspudius: ...
To be honest, my biggest concern is that he 1. shaved his long long hair 2. sold all his music 3. sold all his games 4. stopped gigging, which gives me the impression he is so busy trying to fit in with the cool kids at work.

It might just be me but it's quite depressing being 29 with no friends, social life or anyone to talk to in general. (probably why I spend more time on these forums). I mean, what would the point of going out to meet new people if it just starts that same cycle all over again.
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Matewis: I think there are three major transitions in most people's lives where their friendships drastically change: finishing school, getting into a serious relationship and moving somewhere else. The latter is probably the most destructive potentially, but overall I suspect that finishing school has the biggest impact. So if you're 29 then at least you don't have to worry about the worst one on the list, unless you're still in school that is :D We all lose friend eventually, eg. animal friends :( , but that's no reason to avoid making new friends. Especially since some people end up with friendships that last up to senility and beyond.
You have a point but it seems the fact I'm the only one out of our wee group that has a family and my own place. It seems to make me more distant to every one else. Maybe it's my fault but I don't even know it.
I'm an old man, I have no friends, my computer is my friend ^^. I don't go out at all, I used to go to the pub, but bla I got fedup of getting into fights. I exsist in kent now, I'm know as a DFL [down from london].

so yeah life is fun....