Remind me of the guy named Batman Bin Superman. He became a criminal.

Never pair up in a sack race with a fellow named Skippy Trippsalot.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

Two hillbilly's talking:

mr ducks
mr not
mr cmwangs
L I B, M R Ducks

A guy goes ice fishing for the very first time.
All of a sudden, he hears a voice.
“There are no fish under the ice!”
He ignores it and moves to another area,
cuts a hole, and tosses his line in.
Again, he hears the booming voice:
“There are no fish under the ice!”
He nervously looks up and asks,
“Lord? Is that you?”
“No, this is the rink manager!

What do you call an antarctic bird who can't lose?

A peng-win!

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

Attention:
Please do not download the textbook from http://example.com/book.pdf . The site is hosting an illegal copy of the textbook, which is illegal.

I repeat, please do not download the textbook from http://example.com/book.pdf

[OOC note: The link in this post does not actually point to an illegal download; it points to example.com, which is a domain name reserved for use in examples and documentation. For purposes of the joke, pretend the URL is real; for purposes of moderation and whether or not you can actually get something there, it isn't.]

I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.

What do you call a ghost who really likes a band?

A fan-tom!

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

Has anybody ever tried stuffing an oyster into a coin slot (really old guys know about this)

Yesterday, I went to my bank to deposit a check, and they asked me for ID. I said, “Are you telling me other people are trying to put money into my account and you’re telling them no?”

Working in a mirror factory is something I can totally see myself doing.