Why does a river need a good internet connection?


Because it's always streaming!

I unintentionally got ketchup in my eyes. Now, I have 20/20 Heinzsight...

A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!"

There's a small town in Illinois where you can order an "Effingham" sandwich.

I built a model of Mount Everest, and my son asked if it was to scale."No," I said."It's to look at."