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Hooyaah: 6:32
*Googling: How to beat girlfriend in an argument*
6:38
*Googling: How to apologize to girlfriend*
Lol. I can sense a theme in your jokes, but can't quite figure out where it is... (loved the lipstick one BTW)

One for you:
Marriage Counselor: So, what brings you here today?
Wife: He takes everything literally. I can’t stand it.
Husband: We came in my truck.
Post edited August 20, 2020 by joppo
I went to the local swimming pool the other day. I had a crafty pee. The lifeguard shouted at me so loudly I almost fell in!
What was the last thing the child said to the cannibal babysitter?

Tuck me in, please.
Q: What did the cannibal's wife do when her husband came home an hour late for dinner?
A: She gave him the cold shoulder.
high rated
(The comedian Bob Monkhouse’s favourite joke.)

They laughed when I said I wanted to become a comedian. Well they're not laughing now.
(on a romantic dinner date)

girlfriend: *takes some fries off my plate*
me: *quietly puts the engagement ring back in my pocket*
My chiropractor noticed that my fat wallet was causing
my spine to twist whenever I was seated, so he adjusted me.
Then he said, "You don't have a girlfriend, do you?"
Spilled Spot remover on my dog.

He's gone now.
What are you doing using the bathroom on a plane en route to Europe?

...European!
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Hooyaah: I was playing on my ps4 and I asked my girlfriend,
"Why do you look so sad?" She didn't answer. So,
I turned off my ps4. She asked, "Why did you turn
off your ps4?" I said, "Because there is something
here much better than my ps4. She blushed.
Then, I turned on my gaming PC.
Ok that was funny. A true (PC) gamer joke. I even laughed, which I practically never do, except in my dreams.
My Girlfriend: "This is my dad, Howard."
Me: "Hey man..." *we lock eyes* "Howard you doing?"
Howard: *maintaining eye contact*
"Sarah, this is the one."
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dtgreene: Here's another math joke, borrowed from some cartoon I saw years ago (but paraphrased):
A word of advice: Such jokes are likely too "cerebral" for most users here
Post edited August 25, 2020 by GameRacer
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Hooyaah: ^ Don't feel bad about not having a girlfriend yet StarChan.
Remember, Shrek didn't have a girlfriend until he was 30.

StarChan: "Unlike Shrek, I'm not sexy."
Someone has told a Shrek joke?

I guess it's all ogre now. ;)
basically, Einstein's theory of relativity states that at or near the speed of light, time and distance are one and the same. you could go to last year or across the galaxy in practically no time at all. now keep in mind the term "relative".

there was once a gamer, in his or her own right, who could play games at the speed of light. they played a game one day, in a RELATIVE way, and finished the game the previous night!
Post edited August 25, 2020 by Keith_I2
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Keith_I2: there was once a gamer, in his or her own right, who could play games at the speed of light. they played a game one day, in a RELATIVE way, and finished the game the previous night!
*slow clap*

Love me some limericks