My girl's papering walls in the loo,
And quite frankly she hasn't a clue.
For the pattern's all wrong,
And the paper's too long,
Now she's stuck to the toilet with glue.

A priest bought a book at low price
And found, it was filled with vice
He cried: "How disgusting!
This is full of lusting,
Of sex, sin and vice ... but so nice!"

I saw a nude man in the hall,
who’s balls were exceedingly small.
There total net weight,
was his penis plus eight,
times a half plus a third of fuck all.

(Sorry. This is a barely remembered one from my school days. Had to make up the first line.)

My friend tried to get a tattoo
Of a girl he liked - oh, what a view!
But the artist was drunk
And all his designs stunk
So she looks like she came from the zoo!

There was an old man in Atlanta
who wrote in a letter to Santa:
<<I'm grown, I agree,
but could you bring me
the NES game "Wrath of the Black Manta"?>>

There once was a girl named Sue
Who kept having to go to the loo
She happened to be late
And was in a right state
As she had filled her knickers with poo

There was a young plumber of Leigh
Who was 'plumbing' a girl by the sea.
She said "Stop your plumbing
There's somebody coming."
"Oh Yes!" Said the plumber, "It's me."

There was a young man in Winchester
who applied for the role of court jester;
but the king didn't like him,
told the guardsmen to pike him,
so he fled and went back to Winchester.

There was a young woman in Bath
who never, ever took a bath!
Though she was OK
all men stayed away
from that filthy woman in Bath.

There once was a man named Doug Graves,
a gravedigger on Isla de Aves,
his brother's named Phil,
they both work there still,
and together they dig and fill graves.

My girlfriend, a beautiful lass
has a truly magnificent ass!
Not rounded and pink,
as you might now think:
it's grey, has long ears and eats grass...

I'd say, in a battle of wits,
that my girl has wonderful tits!
They're not pink and round,
of feathers they abound
and all day let out chirps and tweets!

A man once did post this on Twitter,
In anger and also atwitter:
The more you folks tweet,
The more you mistreat,
and your minds are all full of litter!

There was a young woman in Bristol
who armed herself with a pistol;
she pointed that gun
(and that wasn't fun)
at all the boys who dared to whistle.

There was an old woman in Norwich
which lived just on cabbage and porridge;
she only drank beer
imported from Trier,
that picky old woman in Norwich.