Granted, but whole vampire genre and lore would cease to exist, existing and future one, no Dracula, no Hellsing, simply nothing. No vampires...ever.

I wish...that I could taste my tastebuds.

Granted, but they taste like unwashed socks in radioactive chili pepper sauce.

I wish for all characters and letters ever written to develop individual intelligence and form a hivemind.

Granted, but all they want to do is create ASCII art of semi-nude ladies.

I wish DRM was never thought of in the first place.

Granted, but then GOG would never begin to exist.

I wish for strawberry bubblegum.

Granted, but it tastes more like straw than like berry (which, however, doesn't have much of an effect since you're still having that taste of unwashed socks in your mouth, from your last wish).

I wish to find a human!

Granted, but that human is exact opposite of what are you looking for...and he likes DRM...and he invented DLC....and and...some more bad things.

I wish to not taste socks anymore.

Granted, but now instead of socks, you've got the taste of a fat, smelly kid's gym shirt in your mouth.

I wish I'm a vampire. A badass one, like White Wolf's, not the Twilight sparkling vampire type.

Granted, but you were turned into vampire during bright sunny day, so you immediately died.

I wish I wouldn't taste anything at all. (and good night folks)

Granted, but you were turned at the age of two.

I wish my belly-button was light-sensitive.
Wish granted, but now your nose is twice as sensitive, and you're stuck in a pile of manure.

I wish Detlik good night.

Granted, but upon contact with light it will explode. Into purple rabbits. Living ones. Which then start to gobble your remains up.

Granted, but someone will come nomming on his dreams.

I wish someone would actually see the extreme inside joke I made. ;)

Granted, but now everyone that doesn't get it wants you dead.
I wish that ferrets ruled the Earth.

Granted, in a parallel universe.
I wish next poster die next day.

Granted, but Next is generally regarded as a poor movie, so nobody minds replacing the dead movie poster with one for a more successful film. Also, Nicolas Cage foresaw its demise, but couldn't reach the poster in time to save it.

Man, I'm hungry. I wish I had a delicious all-beef hot dog right now.

Granted, but you develop a nasty diarrhea afterwards. Enjoy sitting on the toilet!

I wish for sunshine and happiness for all.