Granted, but you have to respond to every e-mail, twitter, Facebook, Instagram post you ever made with an apology for spamming them.

I wish the one that rules the world would have great wisdom.

Granted. The dragon emperor's wisdom is immeasurable. And his presence isn't known to mortals, either.

I wish peace in the world.

Granted, the world will have its peace while the moon shines.

peace will only come when you tell a lie.

peace comes ... because everyone starts lying non-stop.

I wish people would behave less like a flock of sheep and more like a group of intellectually gifted primates ...

granted. humans, an endangered species on earth, are now ruled by a planet full of intellectual apes who think humans are degenerate scum.

i wish for a hole dug in the ground to bury a ham sandwich.

The hole is dug, but while it's being dug a main water pipe is burst.

I wish to have some geese to care for in my garden

they're evil canadian geese, and they try to take over the world while living in your garden.

i wish to host a popular web series like "iCarly".

Granted, but their corruption is so foul, and there is so much of it that the sky is blackened with foul fumes from the pyres. All living things die, and the cycle of life must begin anew from nothing ;)

I wish all creationists would drop dead

Adam and Eve drop dead... and with them, the entirety of the human race. Better luck next time. *beep noise, followed by a dial tone....*

I wish everyone spoke Esperanto.

Koncedita. Ĉiuj nun uzas Esperanton, forgesinte ĉiaj ĉiu alia lanugage.

Mi deziras al get ŝtopita en arbo.

Ĉu vi jam komprenis Esperanton, aŭ vi nun lernas je Duolingo kaj/aŭ Lernu kiel min?

Odd, but okay. You are now a tree nymph, destined never to travel very far from your home even during spring and summer, and not at all in winter.

I wish the land of Xanth existed, and that I had a way to get there.

https://translate.google.com/

Granted. You are now a muggle in the rather dangerous magical land of Xanth. I suggest you petition for a quest to gain a talent ASAP

I wish for the drought to be broken in California

Granted, but now, there, instead, rains daily non stop.

I wish i could get something more than teasing, light play and softcore games.