Karate wont do shit against a man powered by buckfast, an insular mentality and a half empty bottle of tizer!

So you have not that much in the strenght department?

Put more points into Dexterity (DS Player: fagget!) :P

And grip-of-weight control

I have little knowledge of Karate and Judo even when I have trained for like 6 years under both tutelages, but if you aren't good enough in hand-to-hand combat, then use submissions, they bring the worst pain to those who don't posess balance and I have gotten into a lot of fights (sadly) and using a neck-lock is better than just engaging in fisticuffs, besides if you do posses more that 60 Kg (me, and I had outing people who are two times my weight, but then again I soaked up a lot to make the submission) then you will be fine as long as you KNOW what to do in the right moment shit goes down, grasping someone's balls won't give you any advantage if your enemy has a grip on you with both arms and you are on the ground and even if you have one your feet in his chest he WILL make YOU eat shit, choose your moves wisely. (then as I have explained some of my past experiences, it may be that I just suck)

Call a Xiaolin who has leveled up in Qi-Gong :D

1) She took a class photo, complete with teacher and uploaded public. Genuine deal.

2) She was never fit. Resembles a female dwarf from WoW.

3) I have no idea. Last time i saw her, was 2012. But now she is back in town.

And i got to fear kickboxers. As i posted before, a coworker there where i met her, would carry brass-knuckles on him at all times and had the figure of an ancient greek statue. If he punched or kicked me, i would indeed crumble to dust.

LoL, haha, i will definitely check it out. This gives me confidence, too.

Because laws about women are so loose, they always get away without penalty, if their violence doesn't end in death, at least round these parts. Plus, the specific girl was psychotic; she used to tell me a close friend of hers died of cancer and i saw her alive before me randomly (identified her from social media photo my gf uploaded years ago), near her as-i-found-later workplace! She was a nasty piece of work. And she even hit me before breaking up. Peaceful old me who feeds and cuddles with kittens half day long...

No, she did never post stuff like that. And i am not exactly chummy with the police, thanks to a conspiracy of a few "good" old "friends, from school era.

LOL, you confuse elegant, blue blood me, for someone else, i fear...

I will tell you what my father taught me, and his father before him:

The only way to fight a greater evil is to join with a lesser one.

He who laughs last, laughs longest.

Sweep the leg.

Basically this. I mean, I highly doubt she hit you all of sudden. But when a fight starts, the truly and only martial art you need to master is being strong enough to make your foe goe prone and insta-fatality.

I don't touch eyeballs. Even if Shako ken has the potential too, i would never act it out on live target.

Doesn't sound like a viable threat, or anything you couldn't outrun with ease. Lure her out into busy traffic, if you get lucky a gyro cart will run her over and that way you're legally in the green.

If you for some reason can't run away and still want to keep your youthful face, immediately close the distance using "da Master Wong system", like so:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cu6ZTpF81To

Don't try any of the wacky Naruto stuff you've been practicing, keep it simple and practical. Once you're in control, you don't have to imitate the Master Wong zap boom bang but you can just keep controlling the female dwarf until help arrives and as long as you're not the one throwing any punches and kicks, you'll be off the hook legally.
The video is actually pretty good, I know the instructor sounds funny but it's master Wong after all, using his custom Master Wong system.

Am I the only person taking this seriously? lol

Well my advice was pretty serious as well, a disguise can help the OP avoid conflict and evade the police.

What if she counters...

I hope so.

Shank her.

Or alternatively, you could act like an adult and not fight anyone.

I can recommend the Vulcan Nerve Pinch. (Beware: doesn't work on androids!)