Tonight, i finally managed to entertain a strange desire i had for quite some time. To lay down with two girls at the same time. Despite it was nowhere near as good as i was always imagining, it left a very bitter taste in my mouth (literally, figuratively, or both...), because they wanted to have the upper hand, treated me like a toy, used me in a sense, and worst of all, not only there wasn't even the tiniest bit of love in the general picture, but they were much more experienced and looked down on me (from a sexes/sex perspective). I regretted even trying it, to be honest.
Real love is priceless. The only thing i always wanted, never had, and always had been deceived of having with each and every relationship coming and going... I search for it in vain and never found it, not even once, not even for a brief moment. I now started to wonder if it even exists, and if i will ever experience it even briefly, before aging and dying... Very sad. Not sleeping. And after my vows to never drink again (i vowed to never spill alcohol again inside me, after loosing a past love interest of mine), pain and sadness coming and going every once in a while are simply unbearable, without the medicinal properties of alcohol itself (physical or psychological painkiller/disinfectant).
Philosopher's Stone, The Holy Grail, and Real Love. Maybe those are the same thing, after all. They do not exist, they are priceless, they possess divine properties, they work miracles, they heal everything, and no matter how many or how hard search for them, no one ever found...
FUCK ME they wan't $172 Easypay FORTNIGHTLY FUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOU ELECTRIC COMPANY!