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"ZEO!" screams Bookwyrm from downstairs, throwing his weight against the front door to hold back the mob of people lined up outside. "GET DOWN HERE AND DEAL WITH THIS MESS!"
When he looks over his shoulder and gazes up the stairs, his jaw drops in disbelief. Descending the staircase is a man who looks vaguely like the Puzzlemaster, except without his former shabbiness. Instead is a tall-standing, well-groomed individual who swaggers with far more pomp than necessary. The crumb-lined coat has been traded in for a tacky suit decorated with multi-colored puzzle pieces. The sagging hat has been exchanged for a neat bowler. The scuffed pants and shoes are now creased slacks and well-shined Oxfords. Resting a gloved hand gingerly on a diamond-tipped walking cane, he daintily makes his way down the stairs.
Bookwyrm can barely contain his laughter. "Who are you supposed to be? The Monopoly ma-"
In a swift moment when his attention is directed away from the door, the crowd shoves their way inside, knocking him aside and nearly trampling him in the process. The room is filled wall-to-wall with eager star-to-bes, arguing and yelling over one another in an attempt to get the Puzzlemaster's attention. He stands amidst the crowd inspecting his fingernails. After a few moments of displaying complete disinterest, he gently nudges aside the guests with the end of his cane, clearing a path to the lounge and shutting himself inside. Bookwyrm follows close behind, desperately clawing his way through the people and occasionally even clambering over shoulders and heads.
Huffing and puffing, he slams the door behind him and wipes the sweat from his brow. He angrily spins around to find the Puzzlemaster lazily sprawled out on a chaise.
"Do be a good fellow and let in the qualified applicants, would you Bookwyrm?"
"I'M NOT YOUR SERVANT!" screams Bookwyrm. "First you drag me to Germany to slap me around, then you call me over here to hold a wire that you forgot the purpose of, now you're trying to make me wrangle a bunch of angry circus freaks! What do I get out of all of this?! Don't I have any value to you as a person at all? Is this what you do, you just...just use people to your own selfish gains while you lounge through life pretending like you have a clue what you're doing, you and your stupid suit! And you have the audacity to make fun of MY hat! Well, I'll tell you, buster-"
"You get a $1,000 advance."
"..."
"Puzzle, Inc. and the court work leaves me with a pretty decent amount of disposable income, and the way I figure it, this gig could potentially net us millions. Sort them out for one day and I'll give you a thousand bucks."
"..."
"Cash."
"..."
"And you get a nicer hat."

Several minutes later, a snappily-suited Bookwyrm emerges from the lounge, glittering garishly in designer sunglasses and oversized rings.
"Which one of you maaaaahvelous people wants to be a star?"
The group begins to crowd in and nearly threatens to break down the doors.
"Hey, Zeo! Who do I let in? You've got a list, right?" yells Bookwyrm over his shoulder.
"Oh, just the qualified ones."
"Who are the qualified ones?"
"I dunno. Let in the first...eh...ten or so. Yeah, that'll work."
"Ten?! You're planning this whole thing on TEN RANDOM PEOPLE?!"
"What could possibly go wrong?"
"Every time you ask that, you end up getting me nearly killed."
"Just let them in! And quit with the stupid accent when you do so!

The first to enter is the boisterous Liftin' Rasil, lead singer of the Raisin' Hell Band. Nobody's quite sure how he got the nickname, especially considering that he usually leaves the lifting to his roadies. The rest of his band isn't with him, which baffles all who are present.
Next is the lovable robot, RT-CB (currently at version 3.2). Though he may be recognizable from many sci-fi TV shows, many people are unaware that he's actually a sentient AI. He hopes to get a gig on "Star Floors", the hit new sitcom about a department store selling space weaponry.
After him is a man whose visage glows, whose teeth are shining white, and whose hair looks like a walking bucket of pomade: the dashingly-handsome actor nicknamed Supple Scene for his amazing, baby-soft complexion. Gifted with radiant beauty, he was practically born to play the lead in a screwball comedy with an actress half his age.
The mighty Apollo Jones muscles his way in next. Everybody knows him from his "The Prime Form" ads which appear in every newspaper, promising to turn any 90-pound weakling into two separate gorillas by taking an easy 12-week course. It's a wonder the man can fit in any shirt.
With a grin that borders on unnerving, Trent Olf, the Scandinavian immigrant, sidles into the room. Such a boring, foreign name doesn't work well for the public, and thus he's known as Tap-Happy Trent, the vaudeville wonder. He can dance, he can sing, oh, the joy he can bring! If only the age of vaudeville hadn't ended.
Slowly removing his sunglasses, Agent 16 makes a showy entrance of walking in and looking at nothing in particular while striking a classy pose. While Agent 16 isn't his real name, it's what everybody knows him as from the Codename: Carr action movies where he plays a dashing spy. Unfortunately, he's played in so many of them that it's gone straight to his head and now he believes he's invisible if he stands perfectly still. As such, it's made it difficult for his fellow actors to work with him.
The Great Zenefredi is never seen entering, but instead appears from behind the bar, a drink already in his hand. A highly-skilled stage magician, hard times have reduced his brilliant talent to working at children's birthday parties.
Flub. (with the punctuation being part of the name) would appear dumpy at first if not for his abundance of bling. Several gold chains hang loosely about his neck, he wears a grill in his teeth, and even the backwards cap on his head is studded with small diamonds. In spite of his appearance, it seems he wishes to become a Shakespearean stage actor after a successful career in poetry.
And who wouldn't recognize the beloved Captain Sapphire? He's the hero every kid knows! He shows up on Saturday mornings to save the world from the forces of evil and defeat bad guys with his Super Sapphire Beam! Sadly, the kids all grew up and aren't into flying men in tights anymore. He seeks the lucky break to have little shapes of his face in sugary breakfast cereal once more.
The last to bash his way in, shoving aside three men just to get his place is the Mighty Blotunga, star of the "Me Blotunga, You Jane" series about a wild, loincloth-wearing jungle man who lives with a family of orangutans. As it turns out, his fabled strength in the series is in fact legitimate, as he is just as strong as he's portrayed. Sadly, the movie adaption of the show didn't do so well.
A couple paparazzi also sneak their way in before Bookwyrm can slam the lounge door shut.

"Alright, gentlemen. Let's talk business. You all want to be stars. Well, I'm the one who's going to make you a star! This should be simple enough, I just need you to sign some documents."
The Puzzlemaster snaps his fingers. Bookwyrm, apparently completely changed with money and a new hat, acts as almost as a new man, entirely in sync with the Puzzlemaster. He brings over a tremendously large stack of documents and slams them all on a low table around which the ten hopeful men crowd. Digging into his coat pocket, he pulls out a pen and hands it to Rasil.
"Sign, dahling."
"Uh...don't I get a chance to read it first?" asks the rock star.
Bookwyrm brings half-closed hands to his face with a disgusted look before firmly gripping the man by the beard and slapping him.
"Read? We do not read documents here! Does the Puzzlemaster look like he reads documents? Of course not. We have people to do these things for us. Are you better than the Puzzlemaster, that you must read? Now, do you want to be a star, or not? Sign! Oh, and you need a cosigner, so find yourself one of those! Chop-chop! Get to it!"
Post edited January 09, 2019 by zeogold
The Rules - For you Mafia experts, I've bolded the rules that aren't really found in other such games and thus are unique/aside from the usual way of doing things.
1. Fun is mandatory. If you aren't having fun, you disappoint both your adoring fans and me.
2. Cryptoclaiming is forbidden. You're only an actor, not an actual spy!
3. Betting among players is strictly forbidden. Bribes are acceptable, but if you bribe me, I will proceed to take your money and then give you absolutely nothing in return.
4. Real Life issues and situations should and will always take priority over what happens in the game. If a player presents a real life issue as a reason on why they need a bit more time or are temporarily unavailable to partake normally in the game that reason should be accepted and respected by everyone else (including the mod). Everyone should always treat real life problems/situations in a gentlemanly manner and never try to make accusations or gain leverage in the game based on that. If these issues become too overwhelming the incapacitated player should inform their mod and ask for a replacement as soon as possible or if they are unable to do so the mod should take steps in finding a replacement for them. Everyone should be playing the game for fun and treat each other with the necessary respect. Therefore we shall always assume that every real life reason for inefficient participation in the game is 100% real and has to be taken as such. We shall also count on everyone playing the game to show proper respect and sportsmanship to their fellow players and the mod by never abusing this "free pass". If someone is caught taking advantage of everyone's good will they will be immediately allowed to find another place to play forum mafia.
5. If the above is too long for you, it basically boils down to "Though the show must go on, real life must go on even more."
6. Zeogold and Bookwyrm are the ones running this show-to-be, so contact either of us by chat if you have any questions, concerns, or promising new scripts.
7. When you vote on a government (president + chancellor setup), PM your yes/no votes to me in secret. You are allowed to change this vote until everyone has voted. Once everybody’s voted, it will be revealed exactly who voted what, but until then, it’s hidden.
8. When you’re part of the government (president or chancellor), actions will be in PM. You will be told what cards you drew as president or what you were given as chancellor and will tell me what card you want to discard.
9. If you’re part of the government and currently taking government actions, you may NOT talk in the thread. No giving a wink and a nod to the president/chancellor or tipping off the players about what you just drew or anything. You can do all that AFTER the policy’s been revealed/put in place, but only then. The rest of the players are still free to chat, squabble, and generally gripe and groan in the meantime, though.
10. If you’re executed, you’re dead and, just like in regular Mafia, can no longer post in the thread or heckle or anything. A "bah" type of post is alright, but this ain't Hamlet and you're getting dragged off the stage with the cane if you try to soliloquy.
11. If you aren’t a player or moderator, please don’t post in this thread unless you have music that somehow sets the mood better than the Kinks' "Everybody's a Star (Starmaker)" from 1975.
12. Don't edit your posts, lest you anger the mods. Editing a post is grounds for being modkilled. Due to the forum software I must also ask you not to double post. Two consecutive posts of the same user in a short time frame will merge, creating the appearance of an edited post. The time limit after which you can post without fear of editing post is 11 minutes. Failure to comply will mean the show's over for you.
13. Please bold any questions you have for the mods.
14. Please don’t discuss the game with anyone outside the thread.
15. Don’t directly quote or copy/paste anything you get from the mods unless you’re trying to prove the scandal about how Zeogold is trying to run another pyramid scheme, which is useless because it isn't true.
16. All players should post something relevant to game play preferably at least once every 36 hours or so. You'll get poked if you seem stagnant and will lose your shot at stardom if deemed dead. If you're going to be away for an extended period, please inform me.
17. If you can’t participate anymore for some reason, let me know and I’ll try to promote one of these coffee-fetchers to act in your place.
18. All players on the winning team win. All players on the losing team lose. All players who are modkilled also lose. All players who give Zeogold a bribe wins nothing but Zeo's gratitude and a complete lack of return on investment.
19. Remember that it’s just a game. Be polite and remain calm. Anyone not being polite is just trying to get you to make a mistake so they can get elected. Don’t fall into the trap. Politely get elected yourself and then execute them.
20. Information regarding how to dispute these rules is located in rule 21.

Here's a handy-dandy link to the rules of Secret Hitler.
http://secrethitler.com/assets/Secret_Hitler_Rules.pdf

The Stars
1. Zenefredi F. Rapoposculous, the Great (ZFR) - VOTED
2. Tap-Happy Trent (trentolf)
3. Apollo "Prime Form" Jones (SirPrimalform) - VOTED
4̶.̶ ̶A̶g̶e̶n̶t̶ ̶1̶6̶ ̶(̶C̶o̶d̶e̶n̶a̶m̶e̶:̶ ̶C̶a̶r̶r̶)̶ ̶(̶a̶g̶e̶n̶t̶c̶a̶r̶r̶1̶6̶)̶
4. Grimsby "The Pooka" Mustard (PookaMustard)
5. Liftin' Rasil and the Raisin' Hell Band (Lifthrasil) - VOTED
6. Supple Scene (supplementscene)
7. The Mighty Blotunga (blotunga)
8. RT-CB (v.3.2) (rtcvb32) - VOTED
9. Flub. (flubbucket)
10. Captain Sapphire (JoeSapphire)

Picture of current game tracks:
https://i.imgur.com/Mq6QPnl.jpg
Post edited 2 days ago by zeogold
First
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supplementscene: First
https://i.imgur.com/3TXsuNU.jpg
Before the game starts, could you please randomize the order?

In the previous game, the player order was the same as the signup order (unless of course random.org just happened to give the same order...), which I don't think was the best idea, since unlike mafia order does play an important role in this game,
So, the order of the players in your post is also the seating-order at the table, right? Does that make me the first presidential candidate?
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ZFR: Before the game starts, could you please randomize the order?

In the previous game, the player order was the same as the signup order (unless of course random.org just happened to give the same order...), which I don't think was the best idea, since unlike mafia order does play an important role in this game,
Eh? Maybe I'm not following something, but I don't see the difference it makes when I've randomized the roles (i.e. I put the player order first as signup order, then I doled out the roles randomly rather than vice versa).
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zeogold: Eh? Maybe I'm not following something, but I don't see the difference it makes when I've randomized the roles (i.e. I put the player order first as signup order, then I doled out the roles randomly rather than vice versa).
Last time I was also at 10th spot and Hitler. The game was already lost by the time I got my shot to even try to become chancellor/president.
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zeogold: Eh? Maybe I'm not following something, but I don't see the difference it makes when I've randomized the roles (i.e. I put the player order first as signup order, then I doled out the roles randomly rather than vice versa).
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blotunga: Last time I was also at 10th spot and Hitler. The game was already lost by the time I got my shot to even try to become chancellor/president.
While true, that's the luck of the draw. For all you know, the first person to start the game off could be Hitler and then the next two after him are both fascists. I'm not sure what I can do about that and I'm equally unsure of how fair it would be of me to try to "reshuffle" if I see such a situation arise.
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ZFR: Before the game starts, could you please randomize the order?

In the previous game, the player order was the same as the signup order (unless of course random.org just happened to give the same order...), which I don't think was the best idea, since unlike mafia order does play an important role in this game,
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zeogold: Eh? Maybe I'm not following something, but I don't see the difference it makes when I've randomized the roles (i.e. I put the player order first as signup order, then I doled out the roles randomly rather than vice versa).
It's not that.

It's true, that since roles got randomized, the chances of fascists/liberals winning are same regardless of player order. The point here is that those who signed up last get less chance of being President. Take blotunga as an example, who's 10th twice in a row. For the sake of giving every player the same chance of having the "fun" part of the game (choosing chancellor, passing policies...) I think those should be randomized.
Post edited January 09, 2019 by ZFR
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zeogold: Eh? Maybe I'm not following something, but I don't see the difference it makes when I've randomized the roles (i.e. I put the player order first as signup order, then I doled out the roles randomly rather than vice versa).
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ZFR: It's not that.

It's true, that since roles got randomized, the chances of fascists/liberals winning are same regardless of player order. The point here is that those who signed up last get less chance of being President. Take blotunga as an example, who's 10th twice in a row. For the sake of giving every player the same chance of having the "fun" part of the game (choosing chancellor, passing policies...) I think those should be randomized.
Ah, I see what you're saying.
Sure, that can be arranged. Give me a sec and I'll do so and then announce the official start of the game.
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zeogold: Ah, I see what you're saying.
Sure, that can be arranged. Give me a sec and I'll do so and then announce the official start of the game.
Thanks. In Mafia, player participation is equal regardless of sign-up order (until you get lynched that is). In Secret Hitler, the "fun participation" factor may depend on your order on the presidency list.
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zeogold: Ah, I see what you're saying.
Sure, that can be arranged. Give me a sec and I'll do so and then announce the official start of the game.
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ZFR: Thanks. In Mafia, player participation is equal regardless of sign-up order (until you get lynched that is). In Secret Hitler, the "fun participation" factor may depend on your order on the presidency list.
As fate would have it, that actually puts you in first, so:

The game is officially underway!

The current president is ZFR. He must choose somebody to be his chancellor.
Post edited January 09, 2019 by zeogold
Beep Boop... Wrrr...

*adjusts nobs on it's chest*

Oh my, there we go. This doesn't look like the department store of 'kill em as you clean' which not only vaporizes your enemies dust and debris, but also leaves things clean with a hint of lemon scent behind.

*moves a chair uselessly out of the way to sit at a table, choosing to park instead*

I suppose I'll just wait for a representative for what specialties are in order and if this coupon is valid.

*holds up a coupon for a tanning salon, $3 off*
Here, have some paparazzi snaps.
https://i.imgur.com/qnv60ES.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/k2eix5Q.jpg