^ is responsible for Elven STD

^ has declared war on all Elven STDs

^ brought back eleven STDs from the war and declared "I AM RESPONSIBLE!"

^ has a cure for Elven STD, but is too stinchy to distribute it, claims if someone donate a trillion dollars he'll allow its sale

^ is the patient zero of a new strain of STD virus that originally only infects plants, due to mutation began infecting human.

^ Cannot feel at ease, sitting on the lawn, and has suspended all outdoor sexual activities, given the virulent nature of the grass he would have otherwise been able to use.

^ is the youngest patient affected by an STD ever recorded in medical history

^ his byline describes his reaction to this revelation perfectly

^ has had a nightmare where he witnessed how the microorganisms responsible for STDs convened and decided to begin transmitting themselves through sexual intercourse for the first time in history.

^ doesn't know it wasn't actually a nightmare

^ goes around town and steal everybody's nightmare and make moonshine out of it

^ loves moonshine

^ Makes moonshine for me to sell to te_lanus.

* leaves hot red head to me or i shoot 1000 needles.

^ Plays Final Fantasy games.