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Aliasalpha: Thats the advice to listen to for all relationships includuing friends. I've always said when you feel like you have to hide aspects of your personality or feel like you're being judged on them, its more trouble than its worth
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Blarg: Unfortunately, a relationship's success is highly dependent on the maturity of both partners.

That's pretty tough when even one of them being mature is beating some very long odds. Especially if either is young or has had a life that has failed to throw them enough serious curves to shake them out of their various stupors.
That is true but if anything its all the more reason to not hide your uniqueness. Being comfortable with who you are is an essential quality of a mature personality
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Aliasalpha: That is true but if anything its all the more reason to not hide your uniqueness. Being comfortable with who you are is an essential quality of a mature personality
I agree, but maturity is always a factor.
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Kurina: Sorry, but I have to agree, there is some pretty bad advice going on here. Just because the divorce rate is high does not mean you should completely write off marriage. A majority of people these days simply give up on marriage because they don't understand the concept of communicating and compromise. Others, such as many of my friends, are just rushing into it before they even know the person all that well.

If you find the right person, it can be worthwhile. My granparents were happily married for over 65 years, and my parents over 20. The only reason it is not more is because two of them passed away. Find someone who is compatible with you, and it can definitely be worthwhile spending the rest of your life with them. Don't settle for someone or rush into a relationship just for a good time. Working to find the right person can be well worth the reward of finding a life-long companion.
Do all the communicating and compromising you want, if the other person isn't having any of it you've got squat. It's not always under your control. Yeah, a lot of people like to play against the odds, 52% percent of marriages end in divorce, you actually have better odds on a hand of black jack in Vegas. Recent economic analysis of divorce cases indicated it took 22 years to make up for the financial ruin divorces bring. So take everything you have today, sell it, and gamble it all on a hand of black jack. That's actually wiser than getting married (not very wise though).

You can get companionship without marriage, you can get sex without marriage, you can get friendship without marriage. There's very little reason to get married. Now if there wasn't so much to lose from it, I'd still say go for it. As it is there is very little gain over not getting married and a ton to lose.
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Shalgroth: Find someone who accepts you for who you are, do the same for them. Respect each others freedom to do other things seperately, and all should be sweet.
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Aliasalpha: Thats the advice to listen to for all relationships includuing friends. I've always said when you feel like you have to hide aspects of your personality or feel like you're being judged on them, its more trouble than its worth
Not always. Small list of shit that happens:
Have children
Have a special needs child
Have someone close pass away
Have a child die
Have a degenerative disease finally get bad for you or your spouse
Have miscarriages
Be unable to conceive
Have a spouse start to abuse substances
Lose a job
Lose a career
Lose a limb
Get permanently sick/disabled, or your spouse does so
Watch your wife's whole personality change as she goes through menopause
Watch as your spouse's "friends" undermine your relationship with them, it turns out your spouse has a weak personality (whether you ever exploited this yourself or not)
Your spouse meets the person they wished they'd met before you (yeah, it's bullshit but it happens)
You meet that person instead

I hate this simplistic advice that advocates that marriage is always good, its success is always under your control, and that it's a simple, three step process to make it work. Sorry to pick on your post particularly, but as I said, marriage is little to gain.

I'm all for relationships and companionship, as stated, marriage is a fool's wager.
Post edited February 21, 2011 by orcishgamer
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orcishgamer: Do all the communicating and compromising you want, if the other person isn't having any of it you've got squat. It's not always under your control.
Hence, get to know the person and don't rush into a relationship. As time goes on, you can see if the person is reasonable and able to work out a situation, or if they are selfish and simply do not care. If the latter, obviously it is not a relationship even bothering with. It really is not rocket science. People are just in it for a good time these days and don't bother actually getting to know others on a deeper level first. It is no wonder marriages fail if that is how people approach them.

Obviously marriage is not for everyone, but it can be wonderful as well when approached correctly and you find that right person. Personally, I am not sure I would want to be in a long term non-married relationship of that sort if someone was unwilling to commit to it, signaling they likely do not care deep enough to start with. No point wasting my time.
Post edited February 21, 2011 by Kurina
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orcishgamer: Do all the communicating and compromising you want, if the other person isn't having any of it you've got squat. It's not always under your control.
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Kurina: Hence, get to know the person and don't rush into a relationship. As time goes on, you can see if the person is reasonable and able to work out a situation, or if they are selfish and simply do not care. If the latter, obviously it is not a relationship even bothering with. It really is not rocket science. People are just in it for a good time these days and don't bother actually getting to know others on a deeper level first. It is no wonder marriages fail if that is how people approach them.

Obviously marriage is not for everyone, but it can be wonderful as well when approached correctly and you find that right person. Personally, I am not sure I would want to be in a long term non-married relationship of that sort if someone was unwilling to commit to it, signaling they likely do not care deep enough to start with. No point wasting my time.
The only problem is that most people when i say i want to stay single, their initial comment will be: "Well you gotta marry". As if its completely written in a book. The new generation is not as brutal when it comes that I will admit. But the old generation is fanatical about it. My dad, stepfather, and brother are all like me when it comes to it. However, my mom is completely for relationships all the way. What the problem is that these people watch too many fantasy stories about how good the world is. You watch the disney channel and the good guys win all the time. Not true at all. In real life the good guys lose, the bad guys usually win. These stories that they make are crazy and thats why most people's marriages fail. They're initial thoughts are-we'll make it work. Thats a good mindset, however to get both people in the relationship to think that way isnt as easy.

I sometimes wish it was that way. Make things alot easier.
Post edited February 21, 2011 by deathknight1728
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orcishgamer: Do all the communicating and compromising you want, if the other person isn't having any of it you've got squat. It's not always under your control.
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Kurina: Hence, get to know the person and don't rush into a relationship. As time goes on, you can see if the person is reasonable and able to work out a situation, or if they are selfish and simply do not care. If the latter, obviously it is not a relationship even bothering with. It really is not rocket science. People are just in it for a good time these days and don't bother actually getting to know others on a deeper level first. It is no wonder marriages fail if that is how people approach them.

Obviously marriage is not for everyone, but it can be wonderful as well when approached correctly and you find that right person. Personally, I am not sure I would want to be in a long term non-married relationship of that sort if someone was unwilling to commit to it, signaling they likely do not care deep enough to start with. No point wasting my time.
Most people marry in their 20s or 30s, given life expectancy you're expecting to be able to judge an awful lot of years based on your experiences with someone over, what, 6 months to 2 years? That's an educated guess, no one can "know" how that person will act ten years hence, not even that person could tell you that. Sure, if they're already a psycho you'll probably get clued in, but that's about it.

Thinking marriage == a commitment is the problem. You don't have to do that if you don't want to, but there's nothing inherently wrong with not buying into a legal construct that has very few actual benefits. Marriage isn't terribly old given how long we've even been considered homo sapiens.

Any benefit you can name about marriage can be had outside of marriage save for tax breaks and certain legal rights (many of which are assignable in a will or trust anyway).
*is mumbling to himself*

22 years to recover from financial ruin of divorce. 22 years, man.

Maybe I will do the commitment ceremony instead. I'm just not liking the variables of the marriage at all.

To stay on topic, my right arm is all sore from cutting the grass in the backyard. I cannot even eat the meal with right arm. Frak! X.X
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orcishgamer: *list*
You just listed life. What's your point? It's hard, everything is, if they're reasons to not get married, then they're reasons to never leave the fucking house.

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orcishgamer: I hate this simplistic advice that advocates that marriage is always good, its success is always under your control, and that it's a simple, three step process to make it work. Sorry to pick on your post particularly, but as I said, marriage is little to gain.

I'm all for relationships and companionship, as stated, marriage is a fool's wager.
You hate the simplistic advice? Guess what.. It's what works for the people WHO DO NOT GET DIVORCED. And it's realistic, not so tarnished with bitterness and cynicism that it lacks complete objectivity. "Find someone who's fun, then leave when it's not?"

WTF man.

If you want to be a bitter old man, feel free, it's your right. Just don't pass off your biased advice in the hopes that someone will join your corner.

The only thing that's remotely hard about simplistic advice is the fact that we all have differing personalities. Finding the one that suits both parties is hard. Just like life.

No one is painting a rosey, perfect picture.
Not that I am not guilty myself, but, if you recall, this is specifically the BITCH ABOUT STUFF thread. Not the "even keel" or "talk about stuff that doesn't bother you" thread.
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Blarg: Not that I am not guilty myself, but, if you recall, this is specifically the BITCH ABOUT STUFF thread. Not the "even keel" or "talk about stuff that doesn't bother you" thread.
There must be a "talk about good things going on" thread. Where is it?
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Blarg: Not that I am not guilty myself, but, if you recall, this is specifically the BITCH ABOUT STUFF thread. Not the "even keel" or "talk about stuff that doesn't bother you" thread.
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elbaz: There must be a "talk about good things going on" thread. Where is it?
There's this: http://www.gog.com/en/forum/general/the_official_feel_good_and_be_good_to_others_thread
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Blarg: Not that I am not guilty myself, but, if you recall, this is specifically the BITCH ABOUT STUFF thread. Not the "even keel" or "talk about stuff that doesn't bother you" thread.
Bitching about the state of the bitching about stuff thread... very meta. I approve.

Back to the bitching:

My DVD drive is fucked, there's no IT jobs in this crap town and the only women I ever talk to and form some sort of non-contempt connection with are always on the other side of the planet
Post edited February 23, 2011 by Aliasalpha
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Blarg: Not that I am not guilty myself, but, if you recall, this is specifically the BITCH ABOUT STUFF thread. Not the "even keel" or "talk about stuff that doesn't bother you" thread.
It's a place to vent your problems, not bitch at one another, or spout utter shit advice that someone seems to have taken to heart? ;)

Just a thought.

Bitch for the day. Glazing gel has turpentine.. A shitload, and I really shouldn't have used it inside. Finally doesn't feel like my throat is coated with plastic.

EDIT: Kind of ninja'd by Alias? Not too sure. Might have something to do with my bitch of the day.
Post edited February 23, 2011 by Shalgroth
I just had an episode last night with my professor in college. Instead of being professional about my papers and my grade, he decided to tell me that i am probably on drugs (which im not), and that whatever i am lighting up with should be legal while everyone in my class laughed at me. Brings back memories of highschool.

The only good news to come of this is that after talking to my stepfather when i got home, he told me we might be able to get the guy fired since he knows some higher ups in the administration (which is fucked). If that happens justice will at least be served. Finishing up this degree has definitely been a real bitch and the teachers are all nuts. We might sue the school (which they deserve) after i graduate.
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deathknight1728: I just had an episode last night with my professor in college. Instead of being professional about my papers and my grade, he decided to tell me that i am probably on drugs (which im not), and that whatever i am lighting up with should be legal while everyone in my class laughed at me. Brings back memories of highschool.

The only good news to come of this is that after talking to my stepfather when i got home, he told me we might be able to get the guy fired since he knows some higher ups in the administration (which is fucked). If that happens justice will at least be served. Finishing up this degree has definitely been a real bitch and the teachers are all nuts. We might sue the school (which they deserve) after i graduate.
College fucking sucks, doesn't it? Cocksucker professors, cocksucker students, it drives you nuts. I'm not saying I'm the smartest guy ever, and I'm sure I get on some people's nerves too, but if these people are the future were are so fucked.

Why can't people not be douchebags? Is it really that hard? Lately I've been calling people out on being assholes and douches. It's very liberating.

I believe it may have been Nietzsche who said if your not in control of your life then someone else is...or something to this effect, I'm pretty bad with quotes. Anyway don't let anyone keep you down is what I'm trying to say.
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deathknight1728: I just had an episode last night with my professor in college. Instead of being professional about my papers and my grade, he decided to tell me that i am probably on drugs (which im not), and that whatever i am lighting up with should be legal while everyone in my class laughed at me. Brings back memories of highschool.

The only good news to come of this is that after talking to my stepfather when i got home, he told me we might be able to get the guy fired since he knows some higher ups in the administration (which is fucked). If that happens justice will at least be served. Finishing up this degree has definitely been a real bitch and the teachers are all nuts. We might sue the school (which they deserve) after i graduate.
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shadesofdeath320: College fucking sucks, doesn't it? Cocksucker professors, cocksucker students, it drives you nuts. I'm not saying I'm the smartest guy ever, and I'm sure I get on some people's nerves too, but if these people are the future were are so fucked.

Why can't people not be douchebags? Is it really that hard? Lately I've been calling people out on being assholes and douches. It's very liberating.

I believe it may have been Nietzsche who said if your not in control of your life then someone else is...or something to this effect, I'm pretty bad with quotes. Anyway don't let anyone keep you down is what I'm trying to say.
True. There may not always be one person in a room who is trying to make things better, but there is almost always at least one who is trying to make things worse. And somehow being an arsehole has really come into fashion bigtime. Kind of like if Gordon Gecko had the attitude without the motivation and accomplishments to back it up, you know? He didn't just leak negativity entirely, from nowhere and to no real purpose. Not that being a hotshot makes someone by definition any nicer to be around, but at least there might be something behind all the massive attitude copped. Being a dick at random seems to have become cooler and cooler, somewhere along the line, and need no justification, however poor. We're turning into a nation of jerks.

P.S.: I think anyone humiliating someone in public like that professor did is a jerk, but don't believe in suing someone for being a jerk. That's getting silly and abusing the system.

Also I think it's a bad sign if you're an adult and letting your parents fight your own battles for you. Especially such incredibly petty ones. I'd suggest just being mad and venting for a while instead. Maybe even finding a way to defuse the joke by making it funnier when you tell it than when the professor told it. There's no need to win every last battle in life, and knowing which ones are not even worth fighting is a big part of being an adult.
Post edited February 23, 2011 by Blarg