I told a fellow necromancer that I saw a ghost. He said "yeah, wight!".

When the cannibals ate the missionary, they got a taste of religion.

What do golfers always do when they have a country club membership?.

Clubbing.

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

^ I had lost the ability to properly throw a boomerang, but it eventually came back to me.

I caught my son chewing on electrical wires.
I had to ground him.
He's doing better, currently.
He's conducting himself properly now.

^ Your post jolted me
I was revolted.
My shorts disappeared.
I was quite shocked;
resistance was inevitable.
(severing all connections)

Chuck Norris can make a stick by rubbing two fires together.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, “You stay here; I'll go on a head.”

If we go camping in the remote Canadian wilderness during the cold season with cheap gear, it will be the, "Winter of our discount tent."

Sorry for political jokes, but I came up with two jokes today while playing Team Fortress 2:

==============

Did you hear Navalnyi finally got out of the prison?!?

- Yep, he was pardoned by Putin himself. By death.

==============

Western countries are insane, with their hundreds of different genders.
In Russia we value traditional values and have only one gender: Putin.

Hello everyone!

Recently, I heard the following joke (paraphrasing rather than citing here) and found it amusing:

Once, on a transatlantic flight, Albert Einstein was looking for some entertainment to pass some time. He invited is seat neighbour to a small game.
"Let us do a little question and answer game! If I ask you a question to which you do not know the correct answer, you will give me 5 dollars, but when I do not know the answer to your question, I will give you 100 dollars."

His flight neighbour agreed and did let Einstein ask the first question.

"What is one of the most important universal constants?", Einstein asked.
The man thought about it, but finally resigned, stating that he did not know. "I guess, I have to give you 5 dollars now?"
"Indeed, but it also is your turn to ask me something, and maybe you win 100 dollars.", Einstein responded.

The man contemplated for a moment before asking Einstein a new question:
"What climbs up a mountain on three legs, and later comes down on four legs?" He asked.

Einstein realised a defeat, pulled out his purse and handed the man a 100 dollar note.
"Before my next question", Einstein continued, "can you, please, tell me: what does climb up a mountain on three legs, but returns down on four legs?"

Immediately, the man pulled out another 5 dollar note, and gave it to Einstein responding with a smile: "I have absolutely no idea!"
=)

Kind regards,
foxgog