The following is not a fair review at all, it merely reflects my somewhat hilarious personal experience with SWAT 1. In the distant past of the 1990’s, I remember hearing of a series called SWAT that I vaguely believed to be some kind of isometric tactical shooter, a genre which appealed to me. Thus, I was overjoyed when at holiday gift exchange my friend gave me a bargain bin copy of a game called SWAT 1. I eagerly installed the game, readying myself for some strategic, terrorist shooting action. This was not to be. I think the manual said something about being based on “real police tactics” or something. That was fine with me. I can take learning with my games. I learned a whole 6 words of German from playing Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis. What I got was a classroom lecture. I got to watch a 10 minute rant about hand signals and SWAT jargon. No context is given for the information; you are suddenly assaulted by a torrent of room-entering procedures, scouting techniques and communication techniques, all of which resisted my attempts to conceive of a legitimate use for in a computer game. Despite my trepidation, however, I was willing to give the benefit of the doubt. “Slice the pie, remember to slice the pie”, I chanted to myself, wondering if there would be a written test. As I inserted disk 2 (remember, this is 10 minutes into the game) I was taken to the first mission. A hostage situation? No. An disturbed old grandma is shooting at her neighbors. I imagine this is the SWAT equivalent of getting the cat out of the tree. Actually, that might have been more fun. After assessing the situation, the team was set and we moved into position outside the house. Go! My partner motioned for me to enter the house so I clicked on the door as close to the jam as possible, trying to enter cautiously as the instructor demanded. Nothing happened. I tried again, this time just clicking on the door itself. Nothing. Becoming increasingly flummoxed, I began to blanket the screen looking for a hotspot. I didn’t even care about entering the house anymore, I just wanted SOMETHING to happen. I spent ten minutes just trying to get through the front door. I thought my game must have been broken. I was forced to watch my team member replay the same 5 second animation over and over, with occasional entreaties to get moving. To this day I don’t remember how I got inside. My disorientation continued, however, and I wandered throughout the confusedly, not knowing how best to apply my pie-cutting knowledge. Finally, upon entering the living room, I saw a tottering figure enter the far doorway wielding a handgun. Frantically I tried clicking and pushing buttons in an attempt to eliminate the horrible foe. The scene played out in slow-motion in my head: the woman crept ever closer to my unsuspecting partner asI tried desperately to warn him or confront the menace myself, but to no avail. I was forced to watch as grandma shot my partner and then me to death in a un-interruptible fmv sequence. Maybe I mis-cut the pie, I don’t know. It was at this point I ejected the cd, uninstalled the game and vowed never to send Daryl F. Gates a Christmas card again. SWAT 1 is the only game I have actually used as drink coasters. Ironically, the 4 CD’s made a nice matching set, making it much more suited to that role than entertainment. I can’t vouch for SWAT 2, but I can vouch that SWAT 1 is the most frustratingly inept piece of garbage masquerading as a game I’ve ever had the displeasure of playing.
