LEGO Batman 2 was originally supposed to bring together the two most popular and successful DC superheroes in a spectacular team-up. Unfortunately Scooby-Doo was unavailable due to legal complications and was replaced by Superman. The odd couple of the DC Universe, Batman-Superman is one of the most oxymoronic superhero team-ups ever, after all, one of them is powerful, smart, and amazing, a veritable god amongst men, and the other one's Superman. The reason this team-up works is because Batman makes up for all the weaknesses of Superman. For example, Superman has a fatal allergy to Kryptonite, an ultra-rare substance that can only be found in supervillain gift shops and sometimes on eBay. Superman is also hyper gluten-intolerant and can be killed by a well thrown muffin. Fortunately, none of the supervillains know this. Batman of course has no weaknesses. He's only slightly vulnerable to guns and knives. And sharp sticks and heavy rocks. Everyone thinks Batman wears Kryptonite underpants because Superman is a dirty alien and Batman doesn't trust him. This isn't true. He does it to protect the self-esteem of his friend. If Superman was foolish enough to use his X-Ray vision to check out the size of Batman's package he would be totally embarrassed by his own inadequacy and probably fly off into the Phantom Zone in shame, never to return. The reason why recalcitrant loner Batman is so awesome, is because of his tragic past. Born as Bruce Wayne, his parents were wealthy billionaire philanthropists who made regular fully tax-deductible donations to charity via their anonymous Panama trust fund. As founders of the "Wayne Foundation for Kids Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Do Other Stuff Good Too," they were also extremely humble and modest. They even built the tallest skyscraper in Gotham and named it Wayne Towers to remind everyone how humble and modest they were. Sadly they were murdered in a botched robbery when Bruce was very young. As to why two wealthy individuals would want to rob a homeless peripatetic hobo remains a mystery to this day. Instead of wallowing in self-pity and turning to hookers and cocaine, young Bruce became obsessed with vigilantism and justice. However he had a strict credo against killing and felt that all criminals could be reformed, even the hardened psychotic ones. One day after attending PAX, he had an epiphany. Perhaps he could reform criminals by scaring them straight. He also realised that what really terrified people to the core of their souls was bad cosplay. However, becoming obese and dressing as Lara Croft was not a realistic option. Dressing as a bat was the next best thing. Because Superman wants to be more like Batman, he also conveniently has a tragic past. His real name is Kal-Fail and although raised by humans, he is really an alien from the planet Krapton. The Kraptonians were a highly intelligent and advanced race that somehow managed to blow up their own planet in an event known as the "Great Fuster Cluck". Superman named his alter-ego Cluck Fuster Kent in memory of this event. Superman's real dad Kal-Zone tried to warn everyone but nobody trusted him because he looked like choleric phone-throwing New Zealander Russell Crowe. Superman only survived the catastrophe because his parents were bastards. They really hated him and sent him on a one-way trip to Earth, one of the worst places in the universe. Even episodes of Hanna Montana didn't deter them from this lunacy. Naturally Batman and Superman don't always work alone, but are part of a crime-fighting bowling club named the Justice League. All members of the Justice League have wonderful powers that rival even those of Superman (but not Batman). Fortunately for fans, some of the more notable members of the Justice League like Flash, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, Cyborg and Martian Manhater become playable characters towards the end of the game. Flash, also known as "The Fastest Man Alive," gets his superpowers and reputation from being very fast. Testimonials from his numerous disgruntled ex-girlfriends confirm that he's entirely deserving of his unflattering sobriquet. Nobody is sure exactly how he uses this talent for crime-fighting, and nobody really wants to know, but it works. Wonder Woman is named after the enchanted Wonder Bra that she wears. It has the uncanny power to hypnotise men sending them into a vacuous drooling stupor. Also voted the "#1 Superhero I want to be caught by" in Supervillain Monthly five years running. Green Lantern derives his power from bad poetry. Before he fights, he recites a poem about the brightest day and the darkest night, the birds and the bees, and what not. While his opponent is trying to work out whether it's some kind of magic haiku or maybe a clever pickup line, he runs up and kicks them in the bread basket. It's a technique so effective it's been used by the Guardians of the Universe to keep the peace for thousands of years. Cyborg as his name implies, is half-man and half-machine, deriving his superpowers from an accident involving superglue and a washing machine. Now all he wants to do is clean up crime. Just don't ask him where his USB port is. Martian Manhater is possibly the most controversial member of the Justice League. A feminist alien cougar from Mars, also sometimes known as Left-Wing Liberal Chick, she gets her superpowers from getting people all riled up over gender inequality. LEGO Batman 2 is a vast improvement over LEGO Batman, with better visuals and dynamic split screen for co-op mode. The plot is your typical buddy superhero melodrama spiced with irreverent comedy. Humourous banter during cutscenes accentuate the friendly rivalry between Batman and Superman, playing the slightly dysfunctional but successful relationship to good effect. The addition of voice acting also greatly enhances the storytelling with Batman voiced competently by Troy Baker instead of the inimitable Kevin Conroy. The most significant enhancement to gameplay is the open-world LEGO rendition of Gotham City that is impressive in both scope and detail. The entire city is quite large, even containing a zoo, and an amusement park with working rides. Although there are fast travel points to expedite travel, it's definitely more fun to walk, drive or fly. Unlike it's squeaky clean counterpart Metropolis, Gotham is a dark gritty city, ensnared in a preternatural perpetual twilight. Supervillain henchmen prowl the streets waiting for vigilante justice to be meted out upon them, and the city itself is replete with puzzles and challenges to complete. As with the prequel, this game is better with a co-op partner than solo. I had the opportunity to test this with a 4-year old co-op partner whose favourite activity is flying around Gotham as Superman; even though I helpfully suggested many times that Batman is a far better character. Having completed the game to 100%, LEGO Batman 2 is definitely bigger, longer and better than it's predecessor, and gets another two thumbs up from Batman and jaywalking Robin.
In Alan Wake, you play the titular Alan Wake, a successful writer from New York with the rather mysterious sounding name of Alan Wake. Secretly, Alan is a superhero. A Guardian of the Light. When he's asleep, he enters a parallel dimension where he roams the galaxy fighting megalomanical demi-gods and insane zealots with his trusty companions; a talking raccoon and a sentient tree. When he hears his name in the real world "Alan... Wake... Alan... Wake...", he wakes up and returns to the real world. Unfortunately, none of this is in the game. At the beginning of the game, Alan is on a vacation with his wife Alice MacGuffin in a Pacific Northwest town named Mystic Falls. It just so happens that Mystic Falls has a history of strange goings-on dating back hundreds of years; like the time when the town was infested by vampires and the townsfolk trapped them all under a church. More recently, there was that incident where Mr. Muldoon, the groundskeeper of the local school, dressed as a ghost as part of an elaborate scam in cahoots with a crooked property developer, but was foiled by a bunch of meddling kids and a talking dog. Seeking some peace and solitude, Alan rents an old dilapidated cabin on a tiny island at a nearby haunted lake named Lake Placid. According to the tourist brochure, the lake is used by the military as a dumping ground for failed genetic experiments and is full of weaponised piranhas, giant crocodiles, and Miley Cyrus. Even worse, it's also where Microsoft dumped all their unsold Microsoft Zunes. On a cloudless night, one can see entire shoals of Microsoft Zunes gently bobbing on the waves, a shroud of failure covering the entire lake, as far as the eye can see. However, just when Alan thought he could relax, he suddenly wakes up in a car crash with absolutely no memory of the event whatsoever. He's in a car he can't remember driving, next to an empty bottle of Vodka he can't remember drinking. When he goes looking for help, random strangers try to kill him. This is normal in New York City but unheard of in the Pacific Northwest. Even stranger still, he starts finding pages from a manuscript that he's absolutely sure he wrote but doesn't remember writing. One of them was titled "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets". Harry, Hogwarts, and Dumbledore... it all felt terribly familiar to Alan. To top it all off, Alan's wife Alice disappears under mysterious circumstances. The only clue Alan could find was Alice's phone. All it contained was a digital receipt for a one-way plane ticket to Vegas and salacious text messages to a muscular Yoga instructor named Julio. Apparently Alice loved doing the Downward Dog with Julio. Other than that, it was a complete mystery. Not deterred, Alan decides to go look for Alice. By blundering around the forest at night, in the dark, yelling her name. For some reason, a bunch of people known as 'The Taken' want to kill Alan. Why they would name themselves after a Liam Neeson movie is a mystery that's never explained. Fortunately, Alan is not totally defenceless. He's actually quite handy with flashlights. Sometimes he puts it under his chin and tells scary stories. He also waves it around and makes Lightsabre noises. But most of his fights involve him shining light in peoples faces until they get mad and try to kill him. Then he runs like a sissy girl for the next checkpoint. At this point, the line between fantasy and reality begins to blur and the storytelling takes on a surreal quality. Some guy named Billy Zane tries to help Alan. "Alan, you're not a kid anymore, you could get hurt out there," said Billy Zane helpfully. Then there was a Walk-Off and David Bowie was there and some guy pulled his underpants out without removing his pants. It was all hazy to Alan. So many mysteries, so little explanation. That's why Alan Wake is so good. Clearly inspired by authors like Stephen King and Dean Koontz, the storyline and characters are typically clichéd, but nevertheless entertaining. The plucky overweight comedy relief sidekick, feisty female sheriff, sleazy doctor, fruity FBI Agent, and kidnapped wife are all there. There's even a television program in the game named Night Springs that's clearly a parody of, or perhaps a tribute to, creepy television serials such as Twilight Zone, X-Files, and Yo Gabba Gabba. The Pacific Northwest environment, on the other hand, is very well modelled. Some of the background panoramic vistas are breathtaking and complements the storytelling perfectly. The weakest aspect of Alan Wake is the combat. While it's nowhere as good or as satisfying as similar games like Resident Evil 4, it's not terrible either. But it does get repetitive. Weapon selection is limited to revolver, rifle and shotguns. Alan also gets Flares that act as temporary 'Taken Repellant', Flash Bangs that kill anything nearby like grenades, and the smart bomb Flare Gun that's best saved for boss fights. During combat, the Taken are surrounded by shadows that make them impervious to conventional weaponry. Before Alan can hurt them, he has to 'burn away' the shadows with his flashlight. This exhausts the batteries of the flashlight. He has to do this with every single Taken and there are lots of them. Managing two combat resources, batteries and ammo, can get annoying. However, flashlight energy does regenerate slowly over time when not used in combat. The game is also fairly generous with ammo, with boxes of unlimited ammo conveniently placed near some boss encounters. What is most annoying is the lack of a melee ability. If Alan runs out of ammo he's basically screwed. You'd think being from New York City he would have at least picked up some rudimentary street-fighting skills since hailing a cab usually involves some hand-to-hand combat. To even the odds, Alan has an evasion ability that allows him to dodge melee attacks, but it's flaky and unreliable. Dodging is basically just spamming the dodge action key and hoping that it works. Overall, Alan Wake is a good game with its strength being in the narrative. A nice touch is the episodic synopsis that plays before the game begins, "Previously, on Alan Wake...", so you won't forget who Alan Wake is. There's also lots of extra content like the 2 free DLCs, good music, and an in-game commentary. Highly recommended for those who like their mystery spiced with some action. TL;DR A mediocre mystery writer battles supernatural evil in the dark using the world's worst flashlight.
Dead Space is a survival horror game where you play a mute space engineer named Isaac Clarke. Isaac is a tragic character. When he was a child, malfunctioning SecuRom DRM prevented him from playing his favourite game. This traumatised him so badly he never spoke again. Although he occasionally yells "Fark EA", but nobody knows what that means. Isaac and his team are on their way to the Japanese mining ship USG Kutabare because a rare Pokemon that they want has been spotted on board. The USG Kutabare is a huge Chinko class mining ship that strip mines entire planets for rare minerals like Tiberium, Adamantium, Kryptonium and Unobtanium. Also, Isaac's attractive girlfriend Nicole is there and he's hoping to catch up with her for some surreptitious zero-gravity nookie. When they arrive near the USG Kutabare they suspect that something is wrong. Not only is the mining ship not responding, there are no Greenpeace ships in sight and no environmental activists chaining themselves to asteroids. Unbeknownst to Isaac and his team, something has indeed gone horribly wrong on board the ship, and its status is now officially 'clitical' (http://www.engrish.com/2002/10/status-clitical/). That means 'seriously bad' in Japanese. Upon docking, they find the ship strangely deserted, and this is where the true horror begins. Some chick named Kendra starts telling Isaac what to do despite her not being his girlfriend or his wife. Isaac go get the keycard. Isaac go open that door. Isaac go fix the tram. Isaac put the toilet seat down. Isaac has to do everything she says. Seriously scary stuff. Admittedly Kendra is rather hot and perhaps Isaac is hoping to catch up with her for some surreptitious zero-gravity nookie. Anyway after much faffing about, Isaac discovers a sinister conspiracy involving the colony on the planet below. Hoping that there might be some colonist's daughters he could rescue from their virginity, he decides to investigate further. Apparently the colonists found an ancient alien obelisk thousands of years old. They also unearthed a box of McDonald's Cheeseburgers buried in the dirt that was also thousands of years old, but still edible. However no one was impressed because you could still buy McDonald's Cheeseburgers from the colony cafeteria that were older than that. During the excavation of the alien obelisk, the colonists accidentally released a contagious alien saprophytic parasite that contaminated the entire colony. This insidious alien parasite is not only highly virulent but capable of transforming corpses into monsterous human-porkchop hybrids called Necrochops. Mistaking the alien parasite for Curry Vindaloo, the colonists ate most of it during their Thanksgiving celebrations and were sadly all transformed into slavering monsters. Dumb ass colonists. Following in the footsteps of horror themed luminaries such as the F.E.A.R. and Residential Evil series, Dead Space is certainly not an original concept. What it does do incredibly well however is the atmosphere. Soft, almost indistinct susurration permeate the ship. Corpses, severed limbs, and other unidentified viscera litter the claustrophobic corridors. Blood splatters decorate the walls like the abstract art of some deranged artist. Lights flicker and occasionally go out. The feeling of paranoia, dread, and unease is palpable. This is the closest you'll ever get to the experience of being afraid and alone on a desolated ship beset by monsters. Other than going on a Contiki Cruise as an attractive nubile female. There are obligatory jump-scares, although they are used sparringly and not ingeminated to the point of banality. Incidentally, never trust corpses. Not because they send scam emails but because some of them have a disconcerting habit of re-animating at inopportune times. Conveniently, Isaac has a stomp attack and it's your sacred duty to stomp every single corpse into so much tenderised porkchop. It's the only way to be sure. Because Isaac is only an engineer, and not some tough Space Marine, most of his weapons are construction equipment that he uses in ways that contravene every single Health & Safety regulation in existence. Who would have thought the humble Plasma Cutter would be a good for impromptu face reconstruction surgery. But desperate times and all that. Fortunately for Isaac, he's on a Japanese ship and you can buy everything from ubiquitous vending machines; from dangerous weapons and ammunition to schoolgirl panties. The action of Dead Space is similar to the tactical 3rd-person aim-shoot style of Resident Evil instead of the FPS run-and-gun style of F.E.A.R. and Bioshock. What Dead Space does uniquely is the innovative selective dismemberment combat system where the good old Double Tap head-shot just doesn't cut it anymore. Severing the various articulated appendages of your target is the key to victory. Isaac also gets a stasis ability that allows him to violate the Laws of Physics by slowing time. It's used mainly for crowd control when surrounded by Necrochops and useful for getting that perfect sirloin cut. Dead Space has a steep difficulty curve, similar to Bioshock and Resident Evil 4, where the game is initially difficult because of weak weapons and sparse ammunition but gets easier after weapon and suit upgrades. Isaac has a melee attack, but it's about as effective as arguing with strangers on the Internet. Completing the game unlocks a New Game+ mode that allows you to retain your equipment and upgrades in the previous playthrough, but only on the same difficulty. Starting a new game in a higher difficulty resets your equipment back to nothing. Barring a few exceptions, Dead Space has aged rather well. It runs in 1080p with good frame rates and still looks good. However there are some problems with VSync on modern machines that prevents progress but workarounds are available. Also glitchy PhysX can sometimes cause corpses to catapult around the room, but the effect is more hilarious than horrific. Highly recommended for fans of space horror movies like Alien, Event Horizon, Prometheus, and Star Wars VII: The Force Awakens. This is one of those games that is best experienced in the quiet of the night, in a dark room, wearing brown underpants. Also best played alone. In space, no one can hear your girly screams.
Not to be confused with Gonorrhea, this game doesn't involve Charlie Sheen, but is just as painful to play. There are some Gnomes, but you can't lock them in a cupboard.
In Saints Row: The Third, you play the (male or female) boss of an alleged crime gang named The Saints in the fictional city of Stillwater. It is an open-world sandbox action game with RPG elements, essentially a shameless clone of the Grand Theft Auto series. Whereas GTA takes the narrative in a serious dramatic direction, Saints Row goes the opposite way towards the satirical and whimsical; a mix of hilarious over-the-top action, political incorrectness, obligatory zombies, outlandish aliens, and a large dose of ribald humour. When this game was first released, it received a considerable amount of malign coverage from well-intentioned social media for its use of excessive and gratuitous violence. It was even listed as one of the most violent games of 2013 by website commonsensemedia.org which had the following to say about the game: "Saints Row: The Third: This story about rival gangs revels in actions both depraved and violent. In an attempt to push the M-rating envelope, the game encourages players to go out and do bad things to innocents. They can take chainsaws to enemies, resulting in tons of blood and chunky flesh. They can drive into people with vehicles and use weapons including pistols, shotguns, grenades, rockets, and swords to destroy both enemies and innocent civilians. Players can also kill police. Plus the game boasts sexual imagery, drugs, and profanity." Given this glowing endorsement, gamers worried that this game is nothing more than a simple misogynistic murder simulator can rest easy. Saints Row: Third Third is really a sophisticated equal-opportunity murder simulator with multiple amusing methods to commit non-discriminatory murder and mayhem. There's sure to be something for everyone and fun for all the family. Although a console port, it is a competent one. In particular, mouse+keyboard works really well without the need for the modding or config file hacking that is endemic to bad console ports. Even for the driving/flying parts of the game, mouse+keyboard controls are responsive and precise. There are lots of vehicles and weapons to unlock, but some of the later unlocks such as Infinite Ammo and Invincibility can make the game too easy. Stillwater itself is large and fun to explore. Numerous side-quests, challenges, and opportunities for random violence provide plenty of entertainment in between main campaign missions. Sure the plot is stupid and nonsensical, but at least it doesn't go full-retard like the average Presidential campaign. Overall, Saints Row: The Third is funny, irreverant, and a great game. Which is fortunate, otherwise it would be called Saints Row: The Turd. An iconoclastic work of art, and a worthy purchase for anarchistic misanthropes everwhere.
The obsession with Ninjas in popular culture began in the '80s when Hollywood produced a few Ninja movies which happened to make a lot of money. The smell of profits ensured that a few Ninja movies soon became a torrent. Movies by Jean-Claude Van Damme, Steven Seagal and the legendary Chuck Norris inundated the public. Sure, some of them were not bad, but just as a cow produces milk, it also produces manure. Lots of it. Fortunately for fans, the passage of time hasn't blunted the enthusiasm of Van Damme and Seagal who are still prolific today, producing straight-to-DVD movies with the regularity and consistency of a dyspeptic sybarite with irritable bowel syndrome. As for Seagal, he is now better known for spending more time at the buffet table than at the training dojo, preparing for his next blockbuster by subsisting on a stringent diet of Buffalo Wings. In Mark of the Ninja, the developers Klei draws on the vast legacy of Ninja mythology to deliver an intriguing 2-D stealth platformer that does justice to the Ninja genre. Your job is to guide Mark, a slightly fruity Luddite Ninja, on his epic quest to defeat the bad guys by destroying all their lamps. The darkness will create serious Workplace Health and Safety issues and cause severe embarrassment at the next WHS inspection. That'll teach em. Levels are well designed usually with multiple paths to objectives. Just like in Deus Ex: Human Revolution covert and overt playstyles are supported. The stealth action is incredibly well integrated into the gameplay, with the option for non-lethal pacifists to ghost through every level without killing anyone. It's even possible to hide in a box Metal Gear style. Sadly, the time-honoured stealth tactic of putting a lampshade on your head and pretending to be a lamp isn't implemented. With an engaging narrative, responsive controls and a beautiful art style that is uniquely Klei, this is the best and only stealth platformer I've ever played.
The first in the series of successful collaborations between the DC Batman franchise and LEGO. Batman, the self-proclaimed World's Greatest Detective, is of course everybody's favourite super-hero. Suave billionaire by day, irascible crime-fighter by night and perennial money-spinner. LEGO on the other hand, like Disney, is just your typical moneygrubbing corporation that can be found wherever there's money to be made. As for LEGO Batman, It's a simple 3-D action platformer crafted to appeal to younger gamers. The plot is rather mundane with the Joker (together with a bunch of other iconic villains) escaping from Arkham Asylum, the only maximum-security incarceration facility with an open door honour system. Gameplay is fairly straightforward, basically running around smashing bad guys and solving simple puzzles on the way to the inevitable Boss Fight. Beating a Batman mission unlocks the corresponding villain mission, allowing players to experience the game as their favourite villains. There are also plenty of collectibles and unlockables to encourage replay. Whilst it's a reasonably good game in solo mode, gaming with a co-op partner is where it shines. Local co-op is supported and Keyboard + Controller works well, but the lack of split-screen makes co-ordinating with your co-op partner essential, otherwise much shenanigans and hilarity will ensue. For a kid's game that doesn't take itself too seriously, it's surprisingly fun. What it lacks in complexity and sophistication, it more than makes up with charm and personality. Having played through this game to 100% with a 4-year old co-op partner, it's a definite two thumbs up from Batman and little Robin.
