So I'm low on food, so I stock up on rations.

Then I'm low on gold. No big deal, I'll fight some monsters.

Do this for 15 minutes. None of them drop any treasure chests, and my party needs to rest.

Hole up for 9 hours.. my party still doesn't regain any HP.

Pay an innkeeper 10 gold to Rest, hoping that'll do, but now I have 8 gold left.

A guard accosts me the next morning demanding I pay 30 or 40 or whatever gold in tribute. I don't have it. I get sent to prison.

I have no keys at all to unlock any of the secret doors.

The asshole who sells keys, sells them for 50 gold.

What now? Just hold down spacebar for who-knows-how-many-real-life-minutes until I run out of food and starve to death?

This is very frustrating.

Is there any trick to avoiding the money-grubbing guards that hundreds of Ultima websites, wikis, and FAQs just aren't mentioning?

It's been awhile since I ran through Ultima 5 but have you gotten the Magic Carpet from the top of Castle British? I recall that one can use it to help you avoid being captured by the gaurds in Castle Blackthorn and that it also worked for the most part in the towns.

You can find the carpet at the very top of castle british just wait until nightfall(don't recall the exact time) when the guard patrolling the area will leave, if he is still there just stay a few blocks out of his path till he does then grab the cannon at the end and drag it up to the door and blow it open then enter and grab the carpet and leave and whatever you do don't sleep there or the door will respawn and you may become stuck(unless you have something that can break magical locks).

now just explore the towns while using the magic carpet

Some hints:

The bridge trolls have quite a lot money. Just walk over bridges and eventually you spot trolls (or they spot your party) and you can slaughter them for money.

When you enter town, and see message about cowardice, hatred or something, that means there is shadowlord visiting the town. Be careful, because about all people are hostile.

Also in some cities, the guards are demanding money even if the shadowlords are not there. Just practice evading the guards,

For your jail-problem, I don't recall anything other than you may try to pick the lock? Or maybe attack the secret door? Or maybe any spell could help if you have any? Sorry I cannot remember...

EDIT. Was it so that the guy who sells the keys will give them even if you say NO to him?

>So I'm low on food, so I stock up on rations.

Besides various pub/tavern merchants, try talking to cooks. Some of them sell you food for cheaper per unit than most merchants, although never as conveniently (since you have to get one at a time).

If you're in the early game, use the traditional food-obtaining method of early Ultimas: steal like crazy. You can eat food off tables and stealing crops using Get. It's not a solution you can use throughout the game since it lowers your karma and you need karma to win the game, but you can raise karma through later actions and payment.

> Then I'm low on gold. No big deal, I'll fight some monsters.
> Do this for 15 minutes. None of them drop any treasure chests, and my party needs to rest.

Monster spawn rate increases at night. Of course, that means monsters without treasure chests will also spawn more often. Also, as someone else noted, bridges have trolls that'll ambush you, and those usually have gold.

> Hole up for 9 hours.. my party still doesn't regain any HP.

This usually works. I thought the only time it doesn't work, if you're sleeping for 9 hours, is if you haven't eaten food. But it's been over a decade since I've played, so I could be mistaken (or more likely, confusing it with U6)

> Is there any trick to avoiding the money-grubbing guards that hundreds of Ultima websites, wikis, and FAQs just aren't mentioning?

1) Anything that makes you go faster, and then you can try dodging the guard. There is something that can be bought or stolen in many towns that do this. The guard who demands the fine usually doesn't wander too far from the entrance. 2) Guards may leave their posts at certain times to eat. Make a note of those times. 3) Some towns have alternate means of entry, and most have alternate means of exit. You'll want to find these anyway, since some towns close their gates at night.

From Britain, take the road west and south until you get to a bridge. Park on the bridge and hold down the spacebar to pass repeatedly. Eventually you will spot trolls and have a chance to fight them. Trolls often drop chests containing food and gold, but more importantly weapons and armor. Repeat this until your characters are worn down or you get bored. Head back to Britain, sell all of the excess equipment, stay at the inn to refresh and then stock up on food at the pub. This is the absolute easiest way I have found to stock up gold prior to entering the dungeons.

Also, regarding your story about fighting for 15 minutes and having nothing to show for it, note that you will sometimes just plain not get lucky in this game, and that's unfortunately just part of it. Many monsters like rats, snakes and spiders are nothing but chaff because they can poison you, costing reagents and spells or potions, but offer no good loot or experience in return.