Made the problem a little easier to fix for you guys: 
  I'm running Windows 10 Pro x64, didn't need to set any compatibility flags (can use force 640x480 for fullscreen though)  
 Step 1: Run game 
 Step 2: Open Taskmanager, find the game's executable named "KoDP.exe" 
 Step 3: Right click on game and press "Analyze Wait Chain" 
 Step 4: Underneath the game's exe you'll find program(s) that are causing KoDP.exe to stall before launching. 
 Step 5: Checkmark the box under the game's exe and hit end process 
 Step 6: Repeat steps 3-5 until the game boots up.  
 Images showing steps 3-5  
i.imgur.com/BtJQcUq.png  i.imgur.com/O70wG8u.png   Makes finding the programs this game hates much easier than trial and error. 
 More me, it was SearchUI.exe, Skype.exe, and Cortanna.