-Silenced guns fire like high-pitched laser guns from a Sci-fi film.

-All you have to do to get laid, get into a romantic relationship, or get a big wet open mouth kiss is to get into a dangerous situation with a female stranger and survive together.

-Rescuing a girl will always get you laid.

-Sword fights again major villains will last minutes while sword fights with side enemies will last only a few seconds.

-The keys to someone else's car or truck will be located conveniently within the vehicle often times inside the folding mirror.

-If car doors don't work, break through the glass with your hand. It won't affect you in anyway accept in that funny scene in Last Action Hero.

I personally learned that from AT&T.

EDIT: Back on topic that Jimmy Falon is funny.

- that if you ever get in a car chase, simply lead the police to an industrial area. A tractor-trailer, dump truck, or fork lift will always get in the way of the police chasing you so you can make an easy getaway. And they will completely give up pursuit without calling in backup.

Guns will solve my problems and gore is fucking awesome.

See also: Things that computer games have taught us!

As long as you are a virgin, nothing bad happens to you in the end of a horror film.

Ninjas train in the art of killing and skullduggery all day every day since birth, but it only takes 3 weeks of training for an American/Australian to become a better fighter/ninja.

Heh, I take it you haven't seen Night of the Living Dead.

Which one?

The 1968 George Romero version, the only one whose existence I'm willing to acknowledge. No sex in the entire film and yet all sorts of people die for no particular reason.

Well Romero is a fucked up man ain't he not? ;)