Right, no need for me to play Max Payne 3 anymore.

I was going to suggest going in front of the class and sing a love song to her in front of all people. After all, what would young Tom Cruise do, besides freaking out?

My view on girls (I'm sure they won't be that popular ;) )

-They often go for assholes that treat them wrong because girls LOVE broken personalities - their motherly instinct jumps at a chance to do "good". However, in most cases they end up at the end of an abusive relationships. Over the past 10 years, I've met far too many women or girls like that.

- Nice guys usually don't get anywhere - girls need a challenge so acting like an ass will give you a much bigger chance of getting the girl than being friendly and willing with her. Yes, it's ridiculous but that's the way it is. It's not just the guys that like hunting - playing hard to get works even better for girls, because it gives them the perception that you must be confident and something special.

- the prettier the girl is, the higher the chance of her
(a) being an arrogant pain in the ass
(b) expecting people to wait on her
(c) using her beauty to twist guys around her finger
It's sad to say, but the kind of power beauty gives, tends to corrupt girls once they discover what they can do and how easily guys fold for it. In the end, the best girls are the ones you find beautiful but most others find average looking. In my experience, these are often the sweetest and most willing to work on a relationship on even footing.

- where I live (Belgium), most girls are very mouthy and tend to be dominant in relationships, which clashes with my own personality. Every single friend of mine is in a relationship where the girl is wearing the pants so to speak - she makes the final decision. It's sad to see such a lack of balance and it really puts me off relationships. I don't have a need to dominate - not at all. I'm a very diplomatic person and will strive to find a common ground but that's not even possible - anyone know a country I can move to that is different? <.<

- Yes, not all girls are the same, but most have very common traits as they grow up. The older they get, the harder they'll be to figure out, but girls aged, say, 15-30, are pretty similar in many ways. You'll find that once a girl becomes 30+ year old, she'll drop the cryptic bullshit and will be more open about what she wants instead of playing frustrating mind games (oh I forgot to add that to the list - they LOVE mind games.)

So yeah - can't live with them, can't live without them :p

Does this also work outside of Australia?

I don't see why it wouldn't. Maybe you could test it out and report back to us?

Well, i think here in germany the police would be the first ones to arrive after you smashed the doors with the sledgehammer. And after they see your crap on the floor and the cream on your dong, you would most likely already be taken in custody before your girlfriend-to-be arrives at her place... :(

Unfortunately i cannot test it out right now because of already being married...

That's why you have to beat the shit out of any police that show up with the sledgehammer until your ladyfriend returns home. That also shows great physical strength, which most certainly wont go astray in winning her affections.

Okay, thanks for the tip then. I will remember your guide for when i get divorced. Or maybe i'll first try it on my wife to win her back if she ever starts getting bored of me!

Happy to help, friend.

Should you arrange the unconscious police in such a manner that makes it look like they were the ones that crapped on the floor thus showing you have a sense of humour or would that counteract the "I do what I want" vibe you gained from crapping on the floor in the first place?

Why settle for one or the other? With a bottle of laxatives, you can do both.

AMEN!