Although I'm not in the least bit religious I listen to some of The Buddhist priests Ajahn Brahm's talks during my low periods. Worst thing they could do is send you to sleep but as an anxiety sufferer I imagine you might appreciate that anyway :)

Wow...a lot of text here. I don't want to get into the debate about medicines being efficacious or not; I will say that I was diagnosed with ADHD growing up as many children were and took Ritalin from about 7-18. It took me years to wean off the effects and I am not entirely sure I was better off as I suffered deep depression, melancholia and extreme anxiety...all masked by pot and booze like many in their late teens to late twenties.

I saw my first therapist in 15 years 2 years ago and he helped me immeasurably, among other things finding me a sliding scale healthcare provider through which I got anxiety and antidepressant medication. Everyone must needs decide for themselves the best kind of treatment but in my case medicine does help. I also have never felt addicited; there are some days I forget to take my pills at the exact hour depending on what I happen to be doing! So if you can find yourself a similar program in Venezuela then at least you would have another option.


I wish you the very best in life. May your ancestors be honored by you, may your descendents do you honor.

Oh, I do not think you came off as dismissive or disrespectful. Each person's head is a world, and when you tell me what works for you you're simply stating so, that it works for you. You have no way of knowing if I've tried it or if it would work for me, so thinking you're disrespectful for it would be wrong on my part :)

I've actually been reading the Ritalin/Cocaine debate with amusement, so for all I care you can go on. I sure have learned a thing or two from reading it also that, while unrelated to my post, is still interesting.

Bookmarked, thank you. I don't consider myself religious (I don't follow any established religions and I believe organized religion is a cancer to society and in many cases may as well be organized crime), but my beliefs do err on the Buddhist side.

This is like a more extreme and viable version of my mottaphobia (except you have valid reason with the past trauma)
The panacea and ultimate cure is to simply man the feck up and sort your shizz, but even knowing this simple fact I still turn into a cowering wreck at the flapping sound in the room.

Realising things are going to happen as they are so you may as well go along with it. Worrying about shit is pointless because things are going to happen anyway regardless of your premeditated thoughts on events. Let things go as they come and deal with it on the fly.

I say all this and it is blatantly nothing to you as you have been held up at gunpoint and had some serious trauma.

that experience is extremely rare and unlikely where I come from. I know a bloke in the army who I was in school with and he has a few guns which he keeps in his parents farm, and I have a pal who runs a shoot in glossop (countryside area nearby and he only has shotguns) but apart from that you NEVER see guns here. If you get attacked its always with knives so its nowhere near as scary and much easier to deal with that someone pulling a gun on you and having you at their complete mercy.

First priority is to sort where you are living out. If it means sacrificing a comfortable one bedroom flat for a crampt single room bedsit in a better area then switch the fuck up! better walking through a safe area and crashing at a small bare necessitated domicile than walking through the ghetto to get to your comfortable domicile.

If you have any pals who can fight (you are on the vale tudo continent :) ) pick their brains for self defence techniques so you feel confident walking about alone. After a bit of sparing and learning you will know more than most clowns who would attack a random person on the street and this knowledge will give you confidence! unless someone pulls a gun on you again obviously but there are self defense techniques against that too. It is a highly involved thing to get into but it can make you feel so confident and make you feel like you can handle yourself it is worth the effort :D

Edit: Addendum, I just read back and saw the drugs shite and to be honest MDMA will give you a brilliant night and make you connect with people you would normally not give the time of day but the lack of inhibitions may make you embarrassed about revelations in the morning. Cocaine will make you social and confident and want to do more like popping a carton of pringles but you never break the point of highness, you just try to fall asleep at the end of everything with your jaw grinding and eyeballs rolling. Acid or shrooms will either make you giggle and have fun for 12 hours or sink into an inescapable wierdness. Smoking weed turns into a social foil which becomes a non taboo addictive which controls your life while seeming non malignant yet being the most insidious of all drugs including class a's. Ketamine, benzine analogues, mephadrone, maphylone, etc etc are all fun to try but ultimately pointless and soul desdtroying. I can't say any thing abut heroin or crack as I have never tried either but prescription meds should have the same stigma (which they don't)

I have been taking hydroxizine (I don't take any narcotics, haven't for over 8 years except alcohol and occasionally paracetamol) as a sleep aid for my tinnitus, and now I am dependant on it. If I wouldn't have bothered with it and just manned up and sorted my sleep (put up with the high pitch ringing I constantly hear) that's the way forward and I wouldn't be all reliant on my repeat prescription.

Anyway I just realised I am drunk and chatting shite so I will end it here, but good luck to you and I hope you sort your head out and get onto a winner :)

x x x <3

Sorting where I am living out would require me to move away from the country, which I would do in a heartbeat weren't I required a visa to live anywhere else and weren't most countries rather stingy when it comes to allowing people to move in, even when they are qualified professionals. I live in the safe zone of this country, and still you can be sure most criminals have guns, while most civils don't. Worse, many of the criminals have war weapons, not regular issue pistols. It's fucked up, but it's how it is and it's the main reason I wouldn't recommend anyone to visit this country - Several tourists get killed each year in mugging attempts.

As for self defense, I'm actually a blackbelt in karate and quite creative when it comes to causing harm, but when whoever is attacking you has a gun what the fuck can you do? A black belt is useful for one-on-one situations, but when there's a gun (Or two guys in a motorcycle, each with a gun as it's common here) it is absolutely useless and any attempts at using it will quite probably end with you dead. It's just a lose-lose situation.

What qualifications do you have?

I am pretty much uneducated (high school we leave at 16) but I could do a TEFL and go to a ton of countries with minimum expense and effort, your english seems flawless, look up doingf a tefl and go to china for a year (or japan/south korea if you have a degree)

Edit: know this sounds stupid but look up things like krav maga, systema, muay boran, the martial arts that are meant to stop yourself from being killed, survive on a battlefield and not for winning tournaments and putting on a show. You will already know a lot of the techniques but learn the mentality if you know what I mean !

But I am from England and the place is well regulated. I live in a rough shitty area but the worst that will happen is someone will try to stab me on the way to the corner shop. Nobody is going to pull a gun n me or any shit like that so I understand if what I say seems ridiculous and inconsequential and I truly apologise if I sound glib, I just want things to be cool with you and am concerned about you.

Anyways I'm rambling like the drunken twat that I am :D best advice is don't listen to me as I'm an idiot, save up and do what you can to get out of there, if you are qualified get a visa and come to Manchester, we are crying out for qualified professionals.

<3 xx

I'm a bachelor in computer science and, as you noted, have qualifications in several languages (I speak Spanish and English both at native or near-native levels, French on an advanced level and have knowledge of Italian, German and Japanese). That on top of smaller things that aren't as relevant. The problem is, in order to move to most countries in the so-called first world you need a visa. However, to get a work permit or residence visa you need an employer to act as a sponsor. And when you try to apply to jobs there most often you get response letters saying that in order for them to hire you you need to have the visa. It's a bit like the first job conundrum where you can't get a job because you don't have experience and you can't get experience because you don't have a job - I can't get hired because I don't have a visa and I can't get a visa because nobody will hire me. It's stupid and it showcases the ridiculousness of the immigration policies in most of the world, sadly.

So you have a degree and are fluent in english. Those are the requirements to do a TEFL in pretty much all east asian countries right there!

Look into it if you want a quick escape, I would have a harder time being uneducated but if I really wanted to I could maybe get work in china as they don't require a degree.

You could even get a one way ticket to Australia with a 1 year tourist working visa (which I have done a few years ago, got work for nice pay and had decent accomodation and I am completely unqualified and useless to most societies) Then get a job with your qualifications and a sponsorship after holding said job for a certain amount of time.

Mate you have a degree and you speak english. the world is your oyster!

Thanks for that post, Melhelix! You were able to deal with your issue by changing the perception from an insurmountable problem that perhaps triggered negative emotions such as anxiety & depression to one that was not only functional (in dealing with the task/problem) but also fun. Congrats!

Tizzysawr, I'm happy to see you got some good ideas from a bunch of GOGers, and although you do have some constraints (such as the crime rate where you live, not able to move, etc.) I'm more concerned about the constraints you are placing on yourself that are unnecessary. You say your anxiety is crippling. I believe that the risk is the choke-hold your anxiety has will not allow you to put any power into any of these ideas and it will keep your perception in a negative state (causing inaction). The point, is you must take action. You acknowledge in your response to me that you're now at a point where you just can't let it be.

There will never be that "perfect" solution or that "perfect" magic pill. However, I believe there are several solutions in the previous posts that will work for you. You must be willing to explore them, but do it objectively by keeping a journal of the steps you plan to take, and log what happens when you take those steps, how you are feeling, adjustments needed, etc. It will take some time. Everything starts with a single, fragile thought. But, give that thought more and more affirmation, and it becomes very powerful. At some point, the thought becomes action, the action becomes repetitive and becomes habit, and ultimately becomes a subconscious part of your being. This is why I previously mentioned exercises to counter the aversion you have to strangers. We can conceptualize this fear you have ad nauseam, but since your fear of crowds/strangers has manifested physical & mental blocks, you must be willing to take action.

OK, bad analogy time: There are 2 ways to get in a pool that has icy cold water. Run and jump in and wait for the loud jangle of nerve endings sending messages to your brain "Holy ****! This water is freezing!" to subside, or stick a toe or foot in, wait for the water to feel "normal", move on to a leg, repeat, etc. The goal is still the same: to have a swim. I recommend the latter.

I know that the streets are not a good place there, but I'm sure there are plenty of people who depend on walking to and from their destinations that do not get attacked. Start slow. Find a friend willing to walk with you up and down the street. Gradually increase the length until you do a circle around the block. Other steps you might consider from small to large: looking a stranger in the eyes, saying "hi" to a complete stranger, asking a stranger a simple question like asking for the time, introducing yourself to a stranger, having a conversation with a stranger, etc.

What you are doing is countering the fear, but in manageable, small steps. You WILL gain momentum. As you do, you will find that the power your fear has over you transfers to the actions you are taking to counter it. At some point, you will realize the incredible power you have over your fear, and at that very moment, your fear will no longer control you. Then, you have the power to choose to feed into the fear, or let the momentary emotional trigger pass as you move on with what you are doing. Keep a journal of the POSITIVE steps or accomplishments no matter how small or insignificant they are. When you need encouragement, look at the notebook to see all the work you've done.

You may also find more help in any support groups in your area for people who have been traumatized in a similar way you have.

You may write this off, but I believe in you, Tizzysawr. I believe you are more powerful than your emotions, your fears, and your thoughts. You have the power of choice, and the power of free will. It's time for you to take back your birthright. I wish you well in your journey of recovery.

I'm sorry for you and many other blokes that you thought of yourself as too weak to deal with your brain for yourself without chemicals, but there are better ways.
I often try to imagine how guys that obviously do think so badly of themselves that they think they need all this would survive in the open where every dependence on those civilisation drugs is very bad.

I don't know why you are defending synthetic drugs against natural drugs here, all I said was that they are cheaper to produce in big quantities. Nothing more. Of course this industry wants to sell big quantities, if that's only because they want to make a lot of money or because this society is making people sick is up to you, I think both is most likely.

Anxiety and depression can be life crippling. The easiest way I find to deal with my issues is to talk about them, with anybody, just getting it off of my chest and into the air - I even talk with myself just so I can hear what my mind is thinking out loud.
I also find that meditation works for me. When I feel there is something out of my control, or things are just bothering me I will put aside a few hours when I get home and just meditate.

Both my gf and I suffer from depression and anxiety in differing amounts and she has blue pills that help her to relax, but when I was prescribed them, they just made me worse so I could not take them any longer. I was worrying about the pills and the fact that I was then not in control. Where as my gf finds they ease her mind when she is worried by work matters.
Seeing a counsellor will give you someone to talk to and discuss matters with.
Also pets can have a soothing effect, but that is a lot of responsibility that you really must be ready for before you go getting one. Although if any of your friends or family have pets you could see them and their pets, or even going to your local dog / pet rescue centre and just helping out with the care for them might also help you.

I guess the main point is however you deal with your problems will be directly linked to which way you find the most convenient and effective for you own issues.

I aggree. My boss is going throug a very rough time atm, his former business partner has an affair with his now ex (which he still loves utterly) and in addition to that he has to run the business alone now and pay off debts in the advanced five-digit range because his ex-partner fucked up really bad over the years and lied about the numbers.
I use a lot of my time to simply listen to him and although he is repeating himself a lot, this listening and some encouraging (never pitying, because this makes way for more self-pity) remarks seem to work wonders on him. It may be unusual, but in RL I'm usually the one people go to when the shit hits the fan, even my bosses. Of course he is doing so much sport now in addition to that, that I am a bit ashamed of my own current shape because he is 17 years older than me and running a vast distance every morning.

Since my problems were always for a big part related to my unusual brain, I always had to remind myself that self-pity is the biggest enemy you could ever have and I started analyzing my every motivation, feeling and action every single day. It has become quite a habit over the years and helps understanding my problems before they grow too large. Years of philosophical studies in and outside of school and university helped a lot in this regard because the first thing you learn there is to contemplate everything (including yourself) from very different angles that go beyond your current state of mind/emotion/character.