take her out
do a nice thing to her
get a flower to her
And bingo

Sounds weird but for once I'm not. DoABarrelR0ll did a good job of laying out his intentions in a way that let him collect his thoughts in advance & be sure what he said was not muddled. The only thing I'd expect that might raise a problem is the phrase "I stand a chance of swooping in and getting what I feel I truly deserve" because that could be interpreted as having a sense of entitlement rather than desire.

Okay maybe not link to the thread then, rewrite the post and use it as a letter, it'll be like an inverse dear john

I just wanted to thank everybody for taking the time to answer. She is currently visiting family in Cali, but I guess I'm going to have to man up when she gets back and just say how I feel. What is the worst that can happen (Don't answer that)?

I realize you like this girl and clearly she has some very good qualities. I suspect you're somewhat blinded by the fact that you like her to her poor qualities. Most young people aren't terribly good at relationships, this gal seems (from your description) to be a bit worse than most.

What I'm trying to say is: You don't want or need the kind of trouble she's going to give you.

I know you can only envision being with her, but you're 21 and I guarantee you'll meet 100s of pleasant chicks every single year in your 20s. So put her in your friend zone and quit investing so much time in her mental well being, that's her job, not yours. Yours is to go have fun yourself, not be her crutch. Do this and you'll not only be more attractive to everyone but her as well (even if she ends up liking you I'd still give her a pass until she's matured a bit).

If she told you about her previous interest in the recent past, I'd recommend going for it before things changed. Women don't generally say things like that unless there's some reason for it.

As to being too stupid to notice, unless she came up to you and said that she wanted a date, it's not fair to suggest that you were being stupid. Most women know very little about how to communicate interest to men, and all of them know far less than they think. The ones that do know how are not likely to be available for very long, or are perpetually available to anybody with a dick.
This X1000. In ones twenties, particularly while still college age it's really easy to find somebody else, but as you get older, it gets to be harder and harder to find somebody.

Personally, I find that the vast majority of women that are interested in me at this point are married or are otherwise involved. Or, know absolutely nothing about flirting.

Did you even read his comment? Who are you to pass judgement on a person that you don't even know... one that he clearly seems to be in love with to the point of making a thread looking on honest advice on how to get with this girl. Just because she has had bad relationships doesn't mean that it is her fault... it just means (& clearly states) that she has had some bad boyfriends.

Thank you. That is very true, she has had guys who have treated her really bad. I know that I would never treat her that way and I would treasure her like she deserves to be.

Once is a mistake 2 or more times reflects poor judgment or something up with her. I'm sorry if that's harsh, but bad choices with men don't just happen after the first time.

Also, without more information, I wouldn't personally be so sure that she's learned her lesson.

That being said, it doesn't automatically doom the relationship, it would however need some finesse to differentiate the OP from those guys without being a tool.

Women are not some weak-willed vessel that cannot do or decide anything for themselves. If she's had a string of bad relationships it very likely is her fault. If she's carrying on some half on/half off relationship with an ex, again, this says a lot about her. The counterpoint your arguing is exactly what a man would say back in the 1750s. Frankly, I'd be a bit offended if I was a woman.

What I'm doing is reading between the lines, what he's said indicates several red flags and I know from experience that there are a lot of great fish in the sea. He asked for advice and I gave it. I realize some folks only want an echo chamber and soft reassurance of their preconceived ideas, but others do appreciate the feedback.

I can't offer much advice, but there was this cartoon/story/thign I read once. I may have gotten it from my mom in Email. She enjoys those things.

Anyway, it was this guy who realized he loved his best friend. But he was too afraid to say or do anything. So they stayed close throughout their lives, he kept not going for it, and in the end of the story he's at her funeral mourning over never trying, when he's given a letter she wrote for him. In the letter, she confesses that she always loved him but was too afraid of ruining their bond by trying and that she was dying with regret over a love she felt he might not respond to and he's left alone realizing the life they could have had if he had just went for it.

Moral of the story? If you love this woman, you owe it to both of you to try. She'll either respond, or she won't. But you should try for both of you.

That is incredibly good advice. You make a very interesting point and I think that you are right. Better to go for it and fail than to never go for it and wonder if I could have succeeded.

Thank you

I had a similar situation, where I knew my wife since we were 15. Around 16 or so, I let her know how I felt, and pretty much scared her off for about a year. After that, we were able to get back to a strong friendship, stronger than it had been before, and we both felt even more at ease (I just didn't dare bring it up again).

Well, my feelings never changed. I ended up doing some world traveling for a few years, and she'd gone to college. We ended up bumping into each other coincidentally a few years later when I came back home to finally go to college. Shortly after, I wrote her a poem (which I never did) and found out that she loved to write poetry when she had feelings she couldn't quite figure out how to deal with (I'd never even known). We ended up married shortly after (and, err, not because we had to). She was finally at the point after several failed relationships that she could see the value I brought to the table (as feeble as it was at that point in time...)

17 years of marriage later, we're still happy together. Certainly there have been trials, but we've weathered it through strong friendship and commitment to one another. I know that having a strong and intimate friendship to build upon long before we were romantic really helped. Friendship is a great foundation to build a deeper relationship on, and I don't know how people manage without forming that first. (Maybe that's why the divorce rate is so high? I don't have any idea.)

It seems that you have the perfect way to bring it up, too. "Remember how you said that you used to be interested in me? I've really been thinking about it a lot lately. I was too surprised and scared to mention it at the time, but not only did I used to be interested in you, but I am still very interested in trying to pursue a deeper relationship with now. How do you feel?" At worst, she laughs and turns you down. At best, you can start having a blooming romantic relationship. From what you've said, even if she doesn't feel the same I suspect that she'll go easy on you. Either way, the best way to emotional intimacy is being open about your feelings (which are different than observations :)), and feeling secure enough about yourself to handle whatever happens afterwards. One way or another, life moves forward.

I wish you luck on whichever path you choose.