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It's been many years, so I'm not sure anyone will even see this, but launching the game gives me an immediate 'Oops! The game crashed.' pop-up.

Not posting the full error log here, but:

"Write to location 00000000 caused an access violation."

Clean install (even wiping my old saves) did not fix it.
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Made sure my driver was up-to-date and rebooted and this fixed it.