Posted July 19, 2009
high rated
We interupt this program for an announcment from Security:
In recent weeks, there's been a lot of concern that LINC has been systematically replacing the population of our city with robots and killing off all the real people. Let me assure you that this is not the case, there is nothing to worry about, and there is no need for you all to arm yourselves against a robot uprising. We are here to keep you safe and secure, and carrying a weapon is an offense punishable by a hilarious trial followed by death or community service.
However, if you really do believe that there is a serious risk that someone you know might actually be an evil android bent on killing you and replacing you with an android copy, you may wish to consider trying any of the following tests:
Option 1: The Voight-Kampf test
Ask your suspect a number of emotionally probing questions, the majority of which are designed to upset the listener. The one about the turtle in the desert in particular will drive them nuts. If the suspect is really an android, he/she will immediately kill you, either with a firearm or with their bare hands.
Option 2: Blood Test.
Robots do not bleed. If you prick a human with a needle, blood will well up the wound, and the suspect you pricked may cry out in pain or sue you. If you give an android a prick with a needle, it will not draw blood, and may not ellicit any reaction at all, unless the android realizes that its cover has been blown and then immeidately kills you, either with a firearm or with its bare hands.
Option 3: Logic Test
Tell the suspect that everything you say is the truth, and then follow up by saying that you are lying. A human will look at you like you're a madman and ask what the devil you think you're doing. An android will immediately assume you're on to it and kill you, either with a firearm or with its bare hands.
If you have performed any of these tests and found that your suspected person is really an android, make sure that you or one of your surviving relatives alerts the nearest available security officer immediately, so we can hush the whole thing up. Remember, we are here to protect you! Now be safe, and be responsible!
In recent weeks, there's been a lot of concern that LINC has been systematically replacing the population of our city with robots and killing off all the real people. Let me assure you that this is not the case, there is nothing to worry about, and there is no need for you all to arm yourselves against a robot uprising. We are here to keep you safe and secure, and carrying a weapon is an offense punishable by a hilarious trial followed by death or community service.
However, if you really do believe that there is a serious risk that someone you know might actually be an evil android bent on killing you and replacing you with an android copy, you may wish to consider trying any of the following tests:
Option 1: The Voight-Kampf test
Ask your suspect a number of emotionally probing questions, the majority of which are designed to upset the listener. The one about the turtle in the desert in particular will drive them nuts. If the suspect is really an android, he/she will immediately kill you, either with a firearm or with their bare hands.
Option 2: Blood Test.
Robots do not bleed. If you prick a human with a needle, blood will well up the wound, and the suspect you pricked may cry out in pain or sue you. If you give an android a prick with a needle, it will not draw blood, and may not ellicit any reaction at all, unless the android realizes that its cover has been blown and then immeidately kills you, either with a firearm or with its bare hands.
Option 3: Logic Test
Tell the suspect that everything you say is the truth, and then follow up by saying that you are lying. A human will look at you like you're a madman and ask what the devil you think you're doing. An android will immediately assume you're on to it and kill you, either with a firearm or with its bare hands.
If you have performed any of these tests and found that your suspected person is really an android, make sure that you or one of your surviving relatives alerts the nearest available security officer immediately, so we can hush the whole thing up. Remember, we are here to protect you! Now be safe, and be responsible!
Post edited July 19, 2009 by Prator
