TS

Elves, Day 22

Used a few of our whittling sticks today. Lost a couple while playing with fire and definitely lost the dogs that normally chase after our sticks. However, the cost was worth the reward.

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Archons, Day 22

Turn sent.

Tigrans, Day 22

We have been defeated, as four Treemen lurched from the forest to tear us down in conjunction with the already visible Elven forces.

It took me about ten days to realise that the Elven capital had always been right in front of me, hidden in the trees. Very foolish.

Nomads, Day 22

You know you're in for a bad game when a pair of healers start owning you in melee combat.

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Orcs, Day 22

Several objects of varying sizes hurtled through the air in all directions. Some found their mark, accompanied by a screech of pain and a loud shattering or splat. Others ricocheted harmlessly to the ground and were picked up by the nearby troops who, addled with much drink and intoxicated with emotion, spun on the spot to return fire at the nearest assailant. Some of the men closed in on their foes, sometimes wielding makeshift weaponry or in other cases sticking to their bare fists.

Amidst the melee cafe sat a sullen table of orcs, largely oblivious to the surrounding brawl. It was such a regular occurrence, that the The Pillared Griffin's patrons would have gasped in surprise and disappointment if there hadn't been some sort of brawl or foodfight. This was, after all, a Dwarven pub mainly patronised by Orcs.

Barrk addressed the motley group sat along the table with a question: "Ey, did you heard about that old cat wizard king over yonder? They say he's been hanged by his tail from the top of the wizard tower of Lashemi. But nots before they shaved all his fur off and gave him a bath." The word 'bath' made many of the Orcs go pale and shudder in disgust.

"Elves, I would wager. Those lot always talk nice, but at the end of the day if you so much as break a branch in their forests you'll be in for a mighty drubbing. Since they live so damn long, they won't soon forget your transgressions either. Only an elf would be so sadistically cruel to a defeated enemy," the wise old shaman Crullock piped up from the end of the table, calmly ducking under a flying flagon as he did so. It was hard to see him, shrouded as he was in the multi-layered shadows of the musty tavern, but everyone recognised his throaty voice.

A few of the men nodded or grumbled their agreement with what had been said. Blad, however, chimed in with a loud and confident "Naww", and when the table turned to stare at him he stared back with a toothy open mouth. Feeling the disdainful eyes of the taller orcs upon him, he backed up his denial. "Them elves be scaredycats, even more so than them cats themselves! It musta been the nomads. They always wan the hot, sandy dessert to themselves, and so they have big hate to catty dessert thieves."

The others briefly wondered why the cats enjoyed stealing the dessert, and assumed it was something to do with their love of sugar.

"Whot if it were the Archons who killed the Tigran wizard? We all know how much they like baths... and pets... and fur coats", Barrk pondered. "Whot you think, Groolk? You been unusually quiet, but you usually got a lot to say on stuff like this."

Groolk, who had been slouching on the bench staring down at the bubbles in his mug, occasionally stirring it with his finger and shuffling uncomfortably, looked up blankly for a few seconds. He focussed in on the conversation, on the question, and needed to gather his complex and nuanced thoughts together before he could speak.

"Uhhh..."

"Time to go, all of you!" came a shout from the doorway. "We have a patrol to do, so get back in line!"

Much grumbling reverberated through the tavern, but the brawling died down at once. Soldiers of all ranks and units swayed out of their chairs, attempting their best impression of sobriety, and then cast about looking for their weapons and for their dignity. It was agreed amongst the orcs at the sombre table that they should continue their conversation another time.

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Elves, Day 23

Drubbing finished. We clean up a little bit. Was hoping to add to our collection of odd ball, tree-hugging friends, but it was not to be.

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Archons, Day 23

Turn sent.

Nomads, Day 23

Yeah, I killed those indies just in time. A peace keeper would have had no problem hiring them. Unlike me, who can't even hire a freaking balloon.

Also taught the orcs a life lesson, and found the Spirit of Order is a card carrying member of PITA.

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Orcs, Day 23

Scrutch, Skulkan's half-brother and his chief advisor on affairs of diplomacy and state, was penning an outraged letter to Kenan the Nomad:

"Wez so angry at you now those Brave orcs dead because of you! You kill them over Mounten's when cant fight back and now skulkan needs righte sad letter to their family's telling of deaths which were not brave deaths but Helpless slorter and family's not happy abowt this one bit they Be asking me brother to get revenge and me say that this not good idea we already have nuff deathings on are hands so we Should give warning not to transgrass our lands again so we now decide we exprelling 15 nomad diplomats from yor embassy here in torshor cos we know they really Spy's and orcs Now think nomads stink also pleese pay dead orcs funeral costs it least you can do yes i knows them dead orcs destroyed nomad town before they come back here but they only do it by Accident they sweared cos they wanted booze no hard Feelings but you kill them Anyway you nasty person goodbye"

After putting back his quill, Scrutch gave a satisfied smile, considering this one of his finer works of diplomacy. Carefully folding up the parchment, he handed it to the nearest goblin for sending. Surely his wonderful, smart little brother would reward him for such good work!

Meanwhile, downstairs in the Command Centre, a golbin functionary updated the tally on the bird hunting blackboard. With a few kills to their name, these nomad birds were soon becoming less of a joke amongst the orcish army and population.

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Elves, Day 24

Oops. Nomads look all sweet and cuddly, but underneath that demure exterior is nothing but the heart of a killer. A cold blooded killer.

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Archons, Day 24

Turn sent.

To Skulkan,
We have received your missive with some concern, for the events reported to us differ markedly from those you are reporting.

The eagle in question was interrogated extensively, and it has assured us that it did not, indeed, initiate hostilities. Much like two days ago, the balloon attacked the eagle, much to the eagle's surprise. We have reports that the balloon ran into the eagle's beak and claws 32 times. The occupants of the balloon were seen evacuating the balloon around the 31st time.

We suspect that the occupants steering the balloon were still drunk from the dwarven ale they consumed last week. It is entirely possible; our cousin went on a week-long bender after a single mug of the stuff.

Finally, we did investigate whether the eagle might have been lying, motivated by revenge for the loss of so many extended family members. It has repeatedly assured us that vengence was not a factor, and the eagle-script letter it was carrying with names and faces of certain orcs known to have attacked eagles was merely a reference sent to all eagles so they could communally pray for peace and forgiveness.

Respectfully,
Ke-nan

P.S. We have received our expelled diplomats with gratitude. After hearing about the state of the embassy, we request that you expel the rest of our diplomats. Locking them within the dungeon by attaching balls-and-chains to their legs, housing them in the same rooms as thumbscrews, racks, and hot pokers, and leering at them are not activities conducive to performing diplomatic functions. They did appreciate the Iron Maidens that you kept in the embassy, though they've requested we inform the Elves that the elven diplomats should be recused from duty.


Edit:
Nomads, Day 24

Having not heard back from the elves, we request their attention.

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