As I have been very busy with work and there are a lot of fights to get through in the early stages, Punington has kindly offered to help out with fight club when needed.
So these first two he sent to me in chat earlier today.
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Fight 36
The doors of the arena open once again and the crowd roars with anticipation. Through the left gate, schrodingerely enters (47) Tobi, awkwardly silencing a good half of the public. "Wait, isn't this fella already dead?". A loud murmur begins to rise through the congregated when the right gate opens up with a thunder. "Allow me to explain!" yells condescendingly (60) <character entry 5> the book-lover. The crowd explodes, half of them following the others' lead and not wanting to look stupid. The fight is on.
* DICE ROLL 1 *
Tobi rolls 7
<character entry 5> rolls 8
Tobi begins muttering the eldritch invocation of Cthulhu in an attempt to obliterate the arena and the whole world. Mesmerised by his adorable demeanour an "Awwww... he's such a good buuuooooy" begins to eco throughout the stadium. Everyone begins to fall under the spell of Tobi's gorgeousness when <character entry 5>, having read way too many books to fall for something so flamboyant, approaches Tobi peacefully, hits him on the head with an Edgar Allan Poe book, and says "here, here".
It's a hit! Understanding that the horrors within are far more scary than the horrors without, Tobi flinches before <character entry 5>'s lesson and Cthulhu materialises as a constantly-looking-at-the-horizon cute little meerkat .
* DICE ROLL 2 *
Tobi rolls 4
<character entry 5> rolls 4
Emboldened by his success, <character entry 5> attempts to repeat his literary strike but becomes paralysed by Tobi's hilarious laughter. Tobi gets ready to strike back but also finds himself "paradoxically" paralysed by his own hilarity.
* DICE ROLL 3 *
Tobi rolls 11
<character entry 5> rolls 4
In just a second, <character entry 5> imperviously dusts the paralysation effects off, and flashing through all the knowledge accumulated by a life dedicated to books, he recalls where to find the perfect solution for this match. He knows the path to victory.
Concerned by <character entry 5>'s looks, Tobi reaches for his bat belt-like belt imbued with the powers of the deus ex machina plot device, whilst <character entry 5> uncovers another one of his books and opens it. On that moment, a torrent of acid jets off from its pages and completely melts <character entry 5> to a viscous splatter. His only weakness, his Kryptonite!
"There was a 50-50 chance of that working" says Tobi.
<character entry 5> materialises back in the tavern where there're plenty more people whose odds, just like his, didn't collapse into a fortunate reality.
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Fight 37
The arena is looking pristine and ready for another match! Cheered by the public and on their way out, the cleaning crowd catch sight of a vivacious figure approaching rapidly. (26) Mr. Nice Guy, the next fighter, jumps at them with hugs and words of praise for a job well done. More cheers erupt, the crowd seems to already have crowned a favourite when from the opposite gate irrupts (107) Todd Ler, spinning into the arena. Hold your horses! Who said there was a favourite contestant already? Todd Ler's moves have captivated the attendants just as much as Mr. Nice Guy's demeanour!
* DICE ROLL 1 *
Mr. Nice Guy rolls 10
Todd Ler rolls 4
Todd Ler takes the initiative, but realising he's listened to Kylie Minogue more than it's healthy to do so, he keeps spinning around unable to stop his initial momentum.
Mr. Nice Guy, who can't help but love all the small creatures, sees Todd Ler ambiguous and erratic moves and approaches the dazing figure who, just before fainting into the hard floor, is able to feel a gentle embrace, rocking him peacefully to sleep whilst singing: "Baby, baby, baby. You know you like it like this".
Todd Ler wakes up in the tavern. Suddenly realising the crushing impact that pop culture has had on his life, he tries to reach for something, anything! Wait, inside his pocket, he finds a small fair-trade chocolate bar, his favourite chocolate bar! Back at the arena, waiting for the next round, Mr. Nice Guy smiles and wishes good luck to all his possible next opponents.
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Fight 38
The shadowy figure reclaims his seat in the arena.
Below the slight figure of (108) Lady Amatriciana enters humming a tune about cooking and towers leaning precariously.
Opposite (91) Ooblex the Gooblex, a large gelatinous blob oozes its way through the right gate.
Lady Amatriciana doesn't fancy dancing with this one but feels in the mood for some jelly and ice cream.
* DICE ROLL 1 *
Lady Amatriciana rolls 7
Ooblex the Gooblex rolls 12
Lady Amatriciana bursts into song but her charm is lost on the blob as it trundles on towards her. She casts Casserole's Beauty, a spell designed to appear as the enemies favourite dish. The problem being that she IS this enemies favourite dish and the spell has no effect.
Lady Amatriciana gulps as she realises that Ooblex has spread himself to cut off any escape. As the crowd cheers, the blob engulfs the unfortunate girl, quickly breaking her down and consuming her matter.
Not sated, Ooblex the Gooblex takes a detour on its way out of the arena to also absorb some spectators on the fringes of the crowd.
Lady Amatriciana appears in the kitchen of the tavern and starts looking for some veg to add to her casserole.
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Fight 39
(103) iPeach the 12th, a sentient iPad enters the arena hoping that things are resolved quickly before she runs out of power.
The skilled swordsman (55) Bena enters wondering what foe awaits him. He is puzzled by the appearance of iPeach but quickly decides that it must be a treacherous magic user trying to trick him and spits on the ground.
* DICE ROLL 1 *
iPeach the 12th rolls 11
Bena rolls 7
Bena charges in, sword raised while yelling "Death to all who wield magic!"
iPeach flicks through its apps before finding one of use. From her screen a flock of over-sized Angry Birds emerge dropping barrels as they go. Several strike Bena, knocking him to his knees.
Seeing that she is low on power (as usual), iPeach cycles through her apps to an adult dating site where the profile 'Hairy bear looking for love and more' climbs out of her screen and flings the battered Bena over his shoulder.
Bena looks around in panic as he is carried off, the mans shoulder hair tickling his nose, but thankfully appears shaking in the tavern before anything untoward can happen.
iPeach leaves to find a charger.
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Fight 40
Flying from pillar to pillar is (112) Stamat the flying squirrel. He starts assessing the crowd, looking for good-natured souls who may have nuts and fruit on them.
Facing him is the Jedi/Battle Mage (41) Ben Kii Nobi. He uses a jedi mind trick on the crowd "you will cheer me on to win". The crowd slowly responds "we will cheer you on to win" and follow up with cheers of "Ben Kii, Ben Kii".
* DICE ROLL 1 *
Stamat rolls 8
Ben Kii Nobi rolls 7
Ben Kii Nobi locks eyes with the squirrel, preparing to overpower its puny mind with his Jedi awesomeness. Instead he finds himself checking his pockets to see if he has any nuts or bits of fruit, the rodents saucer like eyes imploring him.
* DICE ROLL 2 *
Stamat rolls 7
Ben Kii Nobi rolls 5
Ben Kii Nobi digs some acorns out of a pocket and tears rolling down his face, prostrates himself in front of his furry adversary, praying that he likes them.
Stamat skittles down to the human and happily starts stuffing the acorns into his cheeks.
* DICE ROLL 3 *
Stamat rolls 8
Ben Kii Nobi rolls 5
Ben Kii Nobi uses his jedi powers to pull all the fruit and nuts from the surrounding crowd, piling it up in front of Stamat.
He then leaves the arena in shame, head bowed, going to the lift down to the tavern.
Stamat cheerfully eats his fill before flying off with as much food as he can carry to hide somewhere for later.
