You also ate the silica gel from a new pair of shoes didnt you?!

Mmmh ... I use the snow globe to catch sunlight and focus all the solar energy to roast the pickle, the nefarious stench ensuing will force the guards to intervene, and when they arrive, I dazzle them with snow reflected, light focused double blinding combo. They won't see my crafty pool noodle ambush right in there way for them to trip on.

Repeat as necessary until all guards are dealt with.

Put the snowglobe on the ground in the middle of the cell, get undresses, smear the pickle all over myself, putting the rest on my head, i make a makeshift person [meet Wilson] from the noodle and sit him oppisite me with the snowglobe between us. Then i start a loud conversations with the visions i get from the snowglobe, trying to explain to them, that Wilson is sick, and they need to take him home.. I'm transfered to a mental institution. I broke out of jail, now all i have to do is get out of the psych ward. Anyone got a bottle cap, a hairdryer and a sock?

[boy am i going to regret posting this in the morning..]

I would make a conversation with the pickle until the guards start to believe I am insane, as soon as they arrive to take me to the madhouse I would throw the snowglobe at one officer, knocking him out, and choke the other unconcious with the noodle. Then I would switch clothes with one of the officers and tie them with the pool noodle. I would enter the guard's bathroom on my way out and stick the pickle in one of the urinals and flush it, flooding the bathroom floor and creating a diversion. I would leave through the front door using the guard's keys.

The ONLY way to escape from prison:

Step 1: Load the pickle into the pool noodle. Wait for some guards to walk into your cell for inspection.

Step 2: Throw the snow globe at the first guard's face, blinding him with a flurry of snow (and glass shards, but mostly snow). Then aim the pool noodle at the second guard and blow through it, sending a pickled dart of doom his way.

Step 3: While the guards are stunned, beat them unconscious with the pool noodle. If any more guards are present, charge forward and beat them unconscious with the pool noodle. (Do not trifle with a man carrying a pool noodle.)

Step 4: Find what's left of the pickle and harvest some seeds from it- they will be important later, trust me.

Step 5: Steal a guard's uniform and search them all for keys, tools, etc. Hide the guards in your cell, put on the uniform, and nonchalantly walk out of prison.

---------------------------

The following are optional steps that are not necessary for escaping prison, but are necessary if you are going for 100% completion, and you know what sort of person you would be if you didn't go for 100%? A casual, that's what.

Step 6: Flee to Mexico and start a pickle farm using the seeds you took with you. Use pickle profits to open a factory that produces snow globes and pool noodles. Wait for Morgan Freeman to use your empire's products to escape from prison and hire him as your second-in-command.

Step 7: ???

Step 8: Pickles- er, profit.

Ok, I got in here, now I have to get out.

This is a fairly good prison, but their chocolate pudding is missing the appropriate amount of salt raisin. This is intolerable at least and inhuman at best.

I have little time, and I REALLY miss those raisins. I am even willing to miss the holiday dinner, with Santa bringing all those gifts to the good inmates.

So, let's plan ahead things...

...

Done.

First, I managed to get the three most appropriate props for our great escape plan:
the mighty pickle of destiny, the omnipotent snowglobe and of course the menacing pool noodle.

Now I only need 12 hours...

TIME 10:30

Let's get rolling!

TIME 10:31

stop rolling and start working!

TIME 10:32

I am assigned to kitchen duty, so while i'm baking the Great Puffy Cake of Deliciousness I proceed to slice the pickle in very thin yet very strong-tasting chocolate-looking chips.

TIME 10:43

The cake looks really good, specially the little one i kept for tasting (you don't want to spoil the look of the cake by punching holes in it, wouldntya? We'll taste this one instead! :D)

TIME 12:10

Ok, part 1 is complete. Now for part 2: I need something to cover my daring escape. Through the windows I can see that the Mighty Salt Raisins are with me tonight, as this will be truly a White Holiday. In the cafeteria I talk about the deliciousness of my cake, with the chocolate chips being the most entrancing detail in a baked sensorial dream. I hope they'll bite it.

TIME 12:15

Rapid check on the cake. All is well.

Time 12:20

The cake is ready and stored in the fridge.

TIME 13:00

Start working on phase 3. In my cell, during my free time, I proceed to carefully open the snowglobe and to pour the antifreeze+water liquind on the inside of my evening tuxedo-pretending uniform (being in prison doesn't mean one can't look good, right? (Ok, Ok, it's just a slightly cleaner prisoner outfit, but still... *manly tear*)) so that I won't freeze at all!

TIME 15:00

Still working to the cold-proof uniform. It takes its time, ok?

TIME 15:04

Well, I finished. Now, Section 4 of the plan. This afternoon I got assigned to laundry duty, so while collecting the dirty uniforms I put in the basket my "cured" uniform and the pool noodle (rouglhy cut to fit the basket, of course).
Then, in the laundry, I proceed to literally cut and paste my uniform, a bigger one and the sliced pool noodle so that in the inside there is my trusty and winterproof uniform, then a layer of pool noodle isolation and buoyancy and finally the totally-legit-and-not-at-all-suspicious-even-if-slightly-larger-than-usual evening outfit.

TIME 16:39

Yay, all done! So, The cake is pickled and I am ready. Let's wait for this evening... hahahahaHAHAHAHAMWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAaaaaa..... Sorry, Guard Larry. I was just remember this really funny joke in that Frankenstein movie.... yeah yeah, that one.... ok, see you later officer! I'll give you an extra large slice of my cake!

TIME 16:40

lets get back to my cell and get some rest.

TIME 17:something

ZZZzzzzZZzzz... *SNORE*

TIME 18:00

Ok, time to prepare dinner!

let's fool the other in the kitchen with the small sampling cake... all is well. Actually, maybe it's a little short of cinnamon, but that's a manner of individual taste...

TIME 18:20

I'm at the cake-serving station, and I give everybody their pickled cake. Do you know what's the genious part? that the pickle is subtle... It doesn't manifest itself abruptly, it just roll out slowly... almost unseen... and then... SPOARTAPAUM! You are TOTALLY aware of it. Especially when it reacts with the cinnamon and the baking soda, as the combination is the gastric equivalent of yelling "GET. ME. OUT. OF. HERE. NOOOOOOOOOOWWWW!!!!!!".

TIME 19:00

All hell breaks loose, as the pickle does its magic. Everybody runs for their livers, trying to exit from the cafeteria asap. I just run with everybody, but when we are near the guard station... I sneak inside. Ha ha! Even the guards got a bite of cake (come on, it's holiday, you deserve a slice of epic cake too!), at least it seemed while they were running away... I then take their slices and carefully restore to an untouchen state (oh, I am such an Evil Genius!) and put them back on the serving tray.
But! Escaping now would be a mistake, as this could look a bit suspicious from the guards on the external fences, so I proceed to the yard and then throw myself into the snow concealing myself. Then I wait...

TIME 20:00

Should have brought some Sudoku. Boooring.

TIME 21:15

Here they are. The shift didn't come, so they are going inside to see what's happening. remember, this is a prison. They are guard left for a longer shift. They'll find no people and "untouched" cacke slices in the nearest station. They think that everybody is having a great party without them. They want to party AND to taste the delicious cake that that inmate chef baked.... Aaaand they are done. How i know? Remember that ALL THE PEOPLE in the prison at the moment is looking for a meditation shelter? So... the yard guard post has a toilet too.... And here it is, the guard who can think outside the prison!

TIME 21:16

It's fairly easy to overpower a person with "other things" in mind!

TIME 21:18

Got the main gate access keys, now I just have to walk outside, but first...

TIME 21:25

Here we go! Got a spare guard heavy and long jacket from the closet, now I'm a respectable guy just looking for a bus!

TIME 21:30

Hope to not see you soon,prison! And remember, NEVER mix pickles with cakes! ;*

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Author comment:

English is not my native language (that is Italian btw=, so forgive me for errors and horrors!
Hope you liked it! :D

Go Gog.com go!

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EXTRA SCENE:

TIME A FEW DAYS LATER, in a Tropical Island

WHAAAT? There isn't anything like salt raisins? NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!


EDIT: There were a few truly horrible mispellings and mistakes.... Gotta correct'em all!

"Sometime ago i was the only survivor of a shipwreck in a cannibal island. I had to find a plan of escape quickly. I looked around, there was only junk to be found. I found a pickle, a snowglobe and a pool noodle. I ate the pickle, smashed the snowglobe to use it as a lens to reflect the light so as to be seen from a distance and began swimming with the use of the noodle. Two days later i was at the opposite coast. There was a sign there: "Sword Coast". I woke up frightened.."

A guard walks past, I prod him in with the pool noodle. He demands the pool noodle. He comes in I am in the far corner of the cell. He comes towards me, his attention on the pool noodle. I slide the pickle towards him with my foot. He slips, I knock him out and tie him up. I wear his uniform. I throw the snow globe at the guarded door and yell, code 5 in 26. He heads for 26. I shut and lock the door, fill the lock with pieces of pool noodle. I am out of prison.

My Jail break;

Break Snow Globe.
Place half the shine metal base in one end of Pool Noodle, and the other half at the other end to make a periscope now you can look around corners.
Put broken glass in one end of pool noodle and make a glass pool noodle mace.
Wait until one of the guard’s is passing and show guard pickle.
Choke on pickle in front of guard.
When guard comes in beat him with pool noodle.
Change cloths get keys use periscope to find guards around corners.
Leave through front door, and steal guards car.

The End.

I'm going to recommend you folks start putting a copy-write on some of these, because some of these are absolutely brilliant and if you aren't careful some producer is going to snag your story, make a gazillion dollars, and not give you an ounce of credit. :D

Use pool noodle to clog the toilet. Dramatically complain and call a guard. As he turns his back to look at the toilet, the sudden realization dawns on his face as an arm slithers around his neck. Having disposed of the guard, break the snow globe to obtain a glass shard. Use shard to remove the guard's face. Stuff pickle between cheeks so it doesn't attract unwanted attention. Wearing the newly acquired face and uniform, casually stroll over to the exit. All this excitement has left you feeling peckish. Take a bite out of the pickle. "Shit pickle."

1: While in the prison yard, carefully position snowglobe in front of security camera.

2: The guards are fooled into thinking that it's snowing outside. When they leave to get warm coats, quickly twist and tie the pool noodle (balloon-animal style) into a decoy-prisoner shape.

3: Befriend your pool noodle decoy-prisoner.

4: Betray the trust of your pool-noodle friend by throwing him/her against the barbed wire fence and walking across them to escape the yard unharmed.

5: Use pickle to passify guard dogs.

6: Dogs hate pickles.

7: Run away from prison and enraged dogs.

- Call guard to cell.
- Silently incapacitate guard with snow globe to the head, breaking snow globe in the process.
- Strip guard of uniform.
- Tie guard to bed with pool noodle.
- Change into guard uniform.
- Use broken snow globe to cut pickle in half.
- Gag guard with half pickle.
- Smash other half of pickle into pulp.
- Smear pulped pickle onto face
- Leave cell.
- Leave prison. If stopped, tell supervisor pickle assault by inmate means you have to go home. If pressed, threaten to sue prison for unsafe working conditions.

First, I shape the end of the pool noodle into some sort of crude hook-type device. I trade the snowglobe to a prisoner across the hallway for some trifle or other, what is not really important. Once the guards notice the contraband in the other prisoner's cell, they "question" him with nightsticks. I use the distraction to lift the keys from one of the guards with the crudely-fashioned hook-type pool noodle device. Later, during recreation time, I squeeze the pickles' juice into the electrical sockets in the computer lab, causing an electrical short that knocks out the 50+ year old electrical system. This knocks out all of the security cameras and opens all of the cell doors (for safety reasons), causing mass panic and chaos. I use the previously acquired keys to slip away in the confusion. Sweet, sweet freedom is my reward.