Thief™ Gold

Too crude and primitime to play enjoyably.

...Or how endless compromise ruins a masterpiece. This game was clearly envisioned as an atmospheric first-person thievery simulator. The first few levels work great to give off that image, and one might walk away with a pleasant image of the game having only played the first few levels. However, it all shifts when the game suddenly becomes a grave-robbery simulator. At this point, the player is given little to no incentive to sneak around, and is practically encouraged to run around the absurdly large maps, scrambling to find enough loot to finish the mission. I admit, I'm not the greatest grave robber out there, but I got stuck for 1.5 hours (I kept an eye on the clock) trying to find the last piece of loot I needed to finish the Return to the Cathedral mission. This is, of course, the most extreme example, but most of the game ends up boiling down to running around zombies looking for loot on the ground, which is not only anti-fun, but sours your impression of the game as a whole. I chose to push through the 20+ hour campaign, but I honestly wish I hadn't. Worst of all, the game could have been great, had they not been too worried that a pure thievery simulator would not sell. Looking Glass nearly went bankrupt developing the game, so it's no wonder the game ends up feeling like it's held together by band-aids and parental love. Truly, they had good intentions with this game, but it ends up turning into a boring, frustrating experience, which truly makes you feel how your life slowly slips away from you, second by second. After spending many, many minutes scouring the map for a tiny bag of gold, you start to wonder how you'll look back upon this time in your life when you are on your deathbed, and just how much you'll regret having put yourself through this. TL;DR: 5/5 for the actual Thief missions, 1/5 for the grave robbing parts, -5/5 for the pain it all brought me. 5 + 1 + (-5) = 1/5 Addendum: Please play the whole game before writing a review.

Fuck this game

I_loved_playing_Thief_when_my_laptop_actually_played_it_fast,_now_it's_gone_and_I_miss_it._(For_some_reason_my_space_bar_went_kaput_and_I've_been_forced_to_use_these_underscores.)

6 of 5 must play. 5 of 5 great story great gameplay. 4 of 5 great story average gameplay. 3 of 5 average story average gameplay. 2 of 5 play only if it's your favorite genre. 1 of 5 play if you have nothing better to do. 0 of 5 play if you're a masochist. -1 of 5 avoid. Thief Gold score is 6 of 5.