Ok...

What I wanted to do with this thread is "think aloud" about
a) what people might assume looking at single profiles
b) what assessments would be made in general about groups of profiles categorised by different stats and means - the Cambridge Analytica way - without regarding "the individual".

All of that in a tongue-in-cheek kind of way too, but at least half-serious. You know, like your financial standing is assessed by certain companies from data like the region you live in and what kind of phone contract you have...

Of course individual assessments will often be wrong (there are a few wealthy people living in overall poor areas, or there are people like me using only prepaid mobile phones although they could easily afford a "real contract").

Because - let's not have illusions about that - the data that is publicly available about us will be used by someone. On the other hand I didn't want to have another dead serious "we will all die" thread about it - we already have two of those...
Judging from some of the posts here, a bit of comic relief with this topic seemed to be needed ;-)
Yeah... I was considering that, but it always crashes at startup with "file not found".

Has gold bars as his avatar
Real fun at parties.

ESP? Fortune Teller? Nah,just a load of baloney.

Only a few games, but lots of game time:
Likes games.

Racks up 100h per week in game time
Likes games.

Lots of games, has game time, but only a couple of hours per week
Likes games.

Average number of games. Game time zero
Likes games.

One game, thousands of hours
Likes games.

Plays a lot of games like Downfall, The Cat Lady, etc.
Likes games.

Always plays the newest games
Likes games.

Plays a lot of oldies
Likes games.

Rapidly switches games, rarely finished any
Likes games.

Avoids war games
Likes games.

Has lots of games, but little game time
Serial collector, splurger, but ironically, gaming is far from their main hobby.

Has few games, lots of game hours
One-at-a-time/exclusive gamer. Devotes mega-hours into a game, but touches little else, till the first is done to the mud and the next one arrives.

Has lots of visual novels in game collection
Fellow otaku and/or weeb. :P

Has over thousand games, no game time.

A survivalist preparing for WWIII.

Lack of gametime suggests he doesn't use Galaxy, so probably the ability to play offline in their bunker is of highest priority. Probably uses gogrepo to backup his games to a local collection.

Has a gaming bunker built under his yard, and a separate survival bunker for the rest of the family. Can't have the family in the same bunker, that could interfere with gaming. There is a small window or hatch between the bunkers so that wife can still prepare meals to the gaming daddy.

I am pretty far with this project already, first step finished (backing up the GOG games with gogrepo). That was probably the hardest part anyway.

OR: Left shortly after Galaxy was implicitly made mandatory

OR: Can't help themselves during sales


Lots of hours played, but hardly any achievements:
Likes good games

I've massed 870 game hours, even if I disabled the time logging in Galaxy.

It happen because I often forget my PC on, with some game running.
I barely play any games up to half way trough, as I get bored.

Only a few games, but lots of game time:
Divorced, with a few games left

Racks up 100h per week in game time
Divorced

Lots of games, has game time, but only a couple of hours per week
Married

Average number of games. Game time zero
Friends with wrong sense for gifting

One game, thousands of hours
locked up in a cellar

Plays a lot of games like Downfall, The Cat Lady, etc.
Can't afford a ticket for a drop off a plane and compensates

Always plays the newest games
hunts the last unicorn and no one told 'em the reality

Plays a lot of oldies
Didn't pay provider bill

Avoids war games
preparing to start one in real life

Over 200 hours per week in game time:
Is a time traveler.

Over 200 hours per week in game time and only one game
Multiboxing Gwent.
Glowing artistic reviews riddled with swear words
Tourette.

Here at Thrust Industries Inc. we value transparency*, so before showing our scientifically derived answers we'd like to share our data driven method:

Using "Crawler Bot X9" [patent pending] we've harvested user data on the length of username, registered date, stated country of origin, number of games owned, time spent in game, names of games owned, date of release of owned games, average individual session play time, and genre of games owned.

Using said data, we use the output of a multiple linear regression to determine the "Personal Information Reference Number" value of any query. This number is then input into our "Tsar-Thrust" divination table to determine what can be determined from the store profile.

Now, on to the answers:

Only a few games, but lots of game time:
When the user was a child they turned over a rock to find an insect that they did not recognize. To this day, they have never determined what that insect was.

Racks up 100h per week in game time
This user has briefly dated another GOG user over 10 years ago. Neither user has recognized the other... yet.

Lots of games, has game time, but only a couple of hours per week
This user was severely affected by Munchausen syndrome as a child. Through several years of hard work and introspection, they've manged to beat the disease.

Average number of games, Game time zero
This user worked for their Uncle's business as a child. They still have a nagging feeling that this broke the child labour laws of their country at the time.

One game, thousands of hours
This user has been called "sport" on several occasions throughout their lifetime. They have always found it mildly annoying.

Plays a lot of games like Downfall, The Cat Lady, etc.
This user has never eaten a toblerone bar.

Always plays the newest games
This user was once stabbed in a market in Calcutta. They consider themselves cooler than all the people who have been stabbed there after the city was renamed Kolkata.

Plays a lot of oldies
This user has walked past a dead bird on the street within the last 48 hours. They've yet to tell anyone of the sighting.

Rapidly switches games, rarely finished any
This user was offered a job selling flowers. They turned it down.

Avoids war games
This user has been banned from a forum by a mod who gave them the following reason:
Seriously, enough with the peanut allergy jokes! It wasn't funny the first time and it sure as hell wasn't funny the hundredth... you know what, GTFO.

*Thrust Industries Inc. would like to express it's regret that, at this time, we cannot share the details of our "Tsar-Thrust" divination table, as it requires the permission of our partner (one Michael Tsarion) and he refuses to acknowledge it's existence. We are however pleased to offer the R code for our statistical methods to those who express an interest.

You just sold this to me. Impressive results.

Zero games, hours of playtime on the account:
Somehow found a way to play nothing. (It might actually be possible for this to happen; buy a key from another website, redeem it on GOG, play the game for a while, then have the game revoked.)

Most played game is Leisure Suit Larry 4:
Every statement is true about the user in question, because the user does not exist. (For example, it is true that the user has long hair (without a wig) and it is also true that the user is bald.)

Account created 40 years ago:
User is older than the majority of games (in fact, the account is), and the user somehow created a GOG account before GOG was a thing. How did they do that?

Profile page starts formatting the viewer's hard drive:
Looks like the user found a whole bunch of vulnerabilities in various pieces of software, both on GOG's end and on the viewer's end.