Their famous shoe-polish is made of bird's droppings and gnat's pi**.

^ Uses said shoe-polish as a salad dressing every meal they have.

^ once mistakenly used shoe polish instead of fake tan. was beaten up badly by anti fascists. now ensures their bisto tan is done only with real bisto gravy granules.

^ mistook cat litter for bisto granules.

^eats rice one grain at a time

^ Leaves a trail of bread crumbs when visiting the bathroom in their home to make sure she finds her way back again, took her a week to find her way to the kitchen when the kitty fiddled with the vacuum cleaner.

^punishes his muppets when they fail to count correctly by locking them in the closet with no food or water. then calls social services on self out of guilt.

^ Has no idea how close to home that "self guilt-tripping" bit hit.

^Secretly wishes to be struck by lighting.

*goes off with a bedding roll*

^ has a face drawn on a bedding roll. in the basement. next to a deep hole. also owns a collection of glass penguns. do not stay at their house.

*my ankles hurt!

^cuddles up at night with a full body pillow of Harry Styles

^^ Knows that one night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble. Or woman.

^ Sleepwalks every night; wakes up in the pasture surrounded by cattle.

the other eye is pink...