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General discussionPolish jokes(87 posts)(87 posts)
(87 posts)
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This is my favourite topic
Posted February 16, 2015
What's long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night?
A new last name.
Posted February 16, 2015
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Crewdroog: then YOU write one down. :)

And yeah, I'm not normally good with jokes. this one was the only one i could remember.
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gunsynd: A Pollack, a Chinaman, a Pom and an Aussie were in the pub debating whose country was the best.
The Pollack reckoned his was the best, because we got the greenest grass.
The Pom reckoned his was the best because they had the most beautiful flag.
The Chinaman reckoned his was the best because of their Great Wall.
The Aussie said we're the best, 'cos we got the kangaroo, and that can jump over your great wall, crap on your grass and wipe it's ass with your flag!
that's not a polish joke. try again.
Posted February 16, 2015
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gunsynd: Ahh...No...
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tinyE: And Ahhh yes, what are we arguing over punchlines now? :P It's a retelling of the blond joke, "Blond going to Disneyland; sees the sign that says 'Disneyland Left' so she turned around and went home."
Ah, but it's funnier with "bear left" because both words "bear" and "left" have a double meaning, while Disneyland is just Disneyland.
Posted February 16, 2015
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gunsynd: A Pollack, a Chinaman, a Pom and an Aussie were in the pub debating whose country was the best.
The Pollack reckoned his was the best, because we got the greenest grass.
The Pom reckoned his was the best because they had the most beautiful flag.
The Chinaman reckoned his was the best because of their Great Wall.
The Aussie said we're the best, 'cos we got the kangaroo, and that can jump over your great wall, crap on your grass and wipe it's ass with your flag!
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Crewdroog: that's not a polish joke. try again.
That's right most of them are actually Irish jokes:-)
Posted February 16, 2015
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Licurg: Came up with that^ all by myself :D
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F4LL0UT: If it only were that easy to come up with something offensive about Romania. Too bad nobody knows shit about Romania because nobody gives a shit. Unless it's about Dracula. *badum tsh*

Seriously, though, I had to chuckle the moment you proudly admitted that it's your own mastepriece.
Or Vlad the Impaler who has been deemed the most eviliest man in the entire world in a list I saw years ago.
Posted February 16, 2015
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tinyE: WTF is a Pom?
I don't know but according to Bruce Willis "Bom" means "fuck you" in Polish. Which it doesn't. Screw you, Bruce.
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Elmofongo: Or Vlad the Impaler who has been deemed the most eviliest man in the entire world in a list I saw years ago.
To be fair, he (supposedly) created those "forests" of impaled people in order to avoid further battle (by scaring off the incoming armies).

Edit: And oh yeah, I don't know if you were aware that Dracula was inspired by Vlad the Impaler (and in some adaptations it's the same person - some claim that it was already the case in the original novel). It would be a funny coincidence if you didn't. So my (sarcastic) point still stands. :P
Post edited February 17, 2015 by F4LL0UT
Posted February 16, 2015
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tinyE: WTF is a Pom?
Seeing how according to the joke they had the most beautiful flag, I'd say a person from Sicily.
Posted February 16, 2015
"Kaum gestohlen schon in Polen"

"As soon as it is stolen, it's in Poland"

Oh god i'm so sorry, please don't hate me...

Here's a joke about turks as compensation:

A German and a Turk are next to each other on a Plane. Suddenly the engines fail and the Pilot advises everyone on the Plane to get rid of ballast. The terrified turk looks at the german and says: Dude, no!
Post edited February 16, 2015 by Soccorro
Posted February 17, 2015
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tinyE: WTF is a Pom?
Usually means an English person, an aussie would call an English person a Pom....most usually it would be Pommy Bastard though.
Posted February 17, 2015
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tinyE: WTF is a Pom?
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F1ach: Usually means an English person, an aussie would call an English person a Pom....most usually it would be Pommy Bastard though.
Great, so basically I need an offensive slang dictionary to navigate this thread? :P
Posted February 17, 2015
The only Polish jokes I know are VERY rude, so rather than be insulting, here is my contribution to international peace :)

A Britsh guy, a French dude, a Mexican,and a Texan are on a plane.

The captain comes on the radio and says, " We have lost Engine 1, please throw all the luggage and any unused seats out of the airplane to lighten the load." So they do.

Then he comes back on the radio and says,"We have lost Engine 2,would anyone please jump out of the plane to lighten the load."

The british guy volunteers and as he jumps out he screams"God save the Queen!"
Then the piliot comes back on the radio and says,"We have lost Engine 3,would someone else volunteer to jump out of plane to lighten the load."
So the french guy jumps out of the plane and screams,"Viva La France!"
Then before the pilot can say anything else the Texan grabs the Mexican and throws him out and shouts REMEMBER THE ALAMO!


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F1ach: Usually means an English person, an aussie would call an English person a Pom....most usually it would be Pommy Bastard though.
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tinyE: Great, so basically I need an offensive slang dictionary to navigate this thread? :P
Got it in one :)
Post edited February 17, 2015 by F1ach
Posted February 17, 2015
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grimwerk: Flying across the Atlantic. Pope John Paul II is aboard. We encounter only a little bit of turbulence, and yet the aircraft responds erratically. The situation grows worse. The Pope stands up, apologizes, and moves to a seat on the other side of the plane. Everything is fine.
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jdsgn: Read it twice, still don't understand ):
It's a system dynamics joke. The response of a system is sometimes described in terms of its poles and zeros, which are specific points located on the complex plane. A pole with a negative real component (otherwise known as a pole in the left half of the plane) corresponds to a decaying system response, that is, a little turbulence will have no lasting influence on the flight. A pole with a positive real component (a pole in the right half of the plane) corresponds to a growing system response, that is, a little turbulence can set off wildly increasing oscillations in the aircraft.

tl;dr - A pole on the right hand side of the plane leads to instability.

Sorry, it's the only Polish joke I know that's inoffensive to Poles.
Posted February 17, 2015
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F4LL0UT: If it only were that easy to come up with something offensive about Romania. Too bad nobody knows shit about Romania because nobody gives a shit. Unless it's about Dracula. *badum tsh*

Seriously, though, I had to chuckle the moment you proudly admitted that it's your own mastepriece.
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Elmofongo: Or Vlad the Impaler who has been deemed the most eviliest man in the entire world in a list I saw years ago.
Plot twist: Vlad and Dracula are the same person.

BTW, not strictly related to the OP, but I love polandball "universe": http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/polandball
Post edited February 17, 2015 by tokisto
Posted February 17, 2015
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F1ach: The only Polish jokes I know are VERY rude, so rather than be insulting, here is my contribution to international peace :)
Not nice to tease and then refuse to deliver :)
Posted February 17, 2015
Okay here we go:

- How many Polocks does it take to screw in a light bulb?

- I don't know? One?

-No it takes three! XD
No wait I told it wrong. Okay let me start over.
Okay, why does it take three Polocks to screw in a light bulb?

-I don't know?

-Because they're so darn stupid! XD
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This is my favourite topic
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General discussionPolish jokes(87 posts)(87 posts)
(87 posts)