He sorts his books by the number of 'F's used in them - excluding the author's bio, including that would be weird.

^ Sorts his books by how many pages he's burned to start his old-fashioned stove.

^ He speaks from first-hand experience in this regard.

^ in an ill-considered attempt at crude humour, he built a turd-shaped giant balloon in his workshop and proceeded to inflate it with helium, with the intent of putting it on parade around his hometown. But he exaggerated with helium and the balloon flew out of control, eventually showing up above Alaska where it had to be shot down by the USAF.

^misunderstood the whole thing, the named balloon was bavarian

^ is a voyeur who watches his neighbors using a hot air balloon.

^ Employing Google Earth. he views the rooftop hotels in Las Vegas, observing many ladies sunning their perfect bodies sans any sartorial selections.

^ Spends countless hours watching the oceans this way, looking for mermaids, and is yet to find one.

^ Was the one who hunted the mermaids and sold them to slavery. No wonder Hooyaah couldn't find any of them.

^ Has invented the transparent wingsuit for nudists.

^ He provides concierge depilatory services for young, beautiful female nudists.

^ Has the same preference as me, and that is females in military and officer uniforms are the best!

^ Is small, orange and fuzzy.

^ Is small, red, and keeps the doctor away.

^ Keeps sending "doctors" to "medicate" me, but they'll never get close enough.