I’m convulsing on the floor of my cell, drooling water and white flakes. I look like I’m dying. Thanks snow globe.

Unfortunately, two guards enter my cell. As quick as a flash, I reach under my bed and pelt one with my snow globe. He goes down. Then I’m up, fighting. I take several blows to my abdomen, but I have armor: pieces of a pool noodle wrapped up with a sheet. He reaches for his taser. I toss a pickle over his head. He instinctively reaches for it. Wrong move. KAPOW! Right in the throat.

“All clear,” I report.

I smash the snowglobe, creating a puddle just outside my cell, then use the pickle to create a short from the light fixture just within my reach. With live current dancing across the ground, and the guards convulsing around the ward (It was a very large snowglobe), I fashion the pool noodle into modified slippers and gloves, push open my door, and walk out unscathed.

A foam tube?

- I don't think anybody calls it a "pool noodle" in English. I'll even bet my mate (a full time lifeguard) has NO idea of what is meant by a "pool noodle".

Might want to make it clearer as I presumed it was a typo initially and thought you meant a Pot Noodle - which at least would make some sense within certain penal systems.

O______o!

probably not - wikipedia is as useful as a pot noodle is for floating in a swimming pool!


Edit: in the UK, we call them "floats"

he he, I had to google it. never heard of it either. (though I'm Swedish so that might be the reason.)

Stuff part of the noodle in the toilet, while it overflows, call the guards. While they are coming, put the snow globe in the rest of the noodle to smack the guards while they aren't looking.

Run down the cell block maniacally laughing and high fiving other prisoners until I come across the infirmary, trading the doctor a pickle for a uniform. As he is eating, knock him out as he is a known rat.

Casually walk out of prison, calmly. Take the doctors car and get outa there, flipping off the guards and screeching your (his) tires!

I'm not sure how you would use those three items to escape... I can see the pool noodle being used as an emergency breathing device or to transfer sound/liquids... Snow globe has glass & water and glitter... The pickle... ummm....

I keep thinking of installing the pool noodle to project sound and then munching on the pickle very loudly while the guards or other inmates wonder if there's a huge rat running around eating people...

I'm not very good at this :(

edit: guess i'll try:

1) break pickle in half.
2) Break snowglobe
3) Grab a small shard and cut hand for small amount of blood, then cover pickle in blood
4) Yell in terror in the dark room getting guard's attention. When guard appears tell him a phantom Abraham Lincoln (or somebody equally terrifying or confusing) came and ripped your thumb off, and you can prove it because you're holding it and it is covered in blood (or it's on the ground)
5) When he enters hit him in the face smacking his head into the wall or metal door knocking him out.
6) Strip him and tie him up using the noodle, gag with some prison clothes.
7) Dress in uniform
8) Walk out.

1. Wait until Christmas (plan doesn't start until Christmas)
2. Use snowglobe to trigger Christmas animated special, thus being in a cartoon
3. Make a small crack on snowglobe that I'll keep covering with my hands until the time is right
4. Bribe inmate with pickle to knock out guard, take keys from guard and open cell door, run*
5. Drink water from the snowglobe while running away
6. When I get shot all that happens is that the water I just drank pours out of the bullet holes, because I am in a cartoon
7. Run out without looking down and due to being in a cartoon, promptly fall into open manhole
8. Use pool noodle for buoyancy as I escape through the sewers (note: cartoon sewers are basically fast moving underground rivers of green water, not sure how real ones are)

* If bribing the inmate is against the rules then I beat the guard with the pickle and knock him out, I just found that's a cooler way of using the pickle

I smash the globe. Using the glass shards I shave half the noodle into a pile of thin flakes and carve the remaining half into a fake mustache/nose ensemble. Using pickle squeezings on the flakes cause them to become a pliable blob which I mold into a gun shape. My baboon-like shrieks bring the guard running who freezes at sight of my gun. I order him to switch places with me in the cell and to strip. I then don his uniform and using my clever fake nose ensemble escape whilst munching on the remains of the pickle.

Might not work, the last rule was you couldn't get any help...

Well, I had to use the pickle. Maybe I beat the guard with the pickle? That's less cool though. This might work I dunno

I break the snowglobe and lace the pickle with some fine shards of broken glass. I keep some larger pieces and the snow-powder in my pocket for later. Knowing the guard's tendency to eat the prisoners' leftovers, I put the now-trap-pickle back onto my food tray and slide it through the slot. The guard comes, and true to form, gobbles the deadly pickle down.

He begins choking horribly and falls to his knees outside my cell. At this point I deftly maneuver my pool noodle through the slot and fish with it until I've looped the guard's keys. I bring them inside and unlock the door (due to a past prison breakout incident in which the prisoners locked the guards and warden in a cell, they began putting the locks on the inside and outside of the doors.. work with me here). I scramble past the guard knowing time is paramount.

As I run towards the main exit another guard hears me and turns to face the commotion. I immediately throw the snow powder in his face, buying me just enough time to run through the main gate. I run into the yard, remembering with a sense of dread that this prison is surrounded by a shark-infested moat. I never learned to swim, so I instead employ the pool noodle that I'd been saving for such an occasion. As I kick and paddle my way across, a shark attacks. Luckily, I have some glass shards left over, and I shank the aquatic beast in its underside. The rest of the sharks immediately surround their dying friend for a feeding frenzy while I float away unnoticed.

Of course, life on the outside is not what I expected. Time has passed me by and I no longer have any useful skills to offer society. With a tearful expression I carve "Escapist was here" into the ceiling of my halfway house room and end my life. Years later, one of the sharks I left behind at the prison would occupy this very same room.

EDIT: I missed the 100 words limit. Instead of everything above, I eat my noodle for strength, then swing my pool noodle with mighty force to break down my cell wall. I escape, and live a peaceful and productive life. But I always keep prison snowglobe as a memory of darker times.