Banned because a bite of my watermelon tonight tasted like onion; that's what I get for letting Mom try to slice the remaining half by planting the interior side face-down on a surface that was used to slice onion earlier.

Banned because as the saying goes, a slice of watermelon in the hand is worth two in the onion.

Banned because this is too confusing: While ogres are like onions they look like watermelons?

Banned, because everyone knows that ogres eat so many onions that even watermelon tastes like onion to them

Banned for suggesting I look as good as Shrek.

Banned, because looking good "on paper" and looking good in reality are vastly disparate; this is a concept which is apparently foreign to you

Banned because it's impossible to boot Linux Mint without getting weird graphical corruptions that prevent it from being used.

Banned for not reporting it to independent corruption watch non-government organization.

Banned for expecting for trying to watch corruption, like you have some sort of fetish for it.

Banned, for sowing the seeds of corruption

Banned for seeding a corrupt sewing machine.

Banned for being a jackanapes and a poppinjay

Banned for jacking an ape and popping a bird.

Banned for suggesting Hooyaah can sing like Fiona.

Banned for thinking that Fiona can sing, even though I don't know who Fiona is, and you didn't specify which Fiona you're talking about, which is another reason why you're banned.