The Shit List
Ghost Shit:
That's the kind where you feel the shit come out, have shit on
the toilet paper, but there is no shit in the toilet.
Clean Shit:
The kind where you shit it out, see it in the toilet, but there
is nothing on the toilet paper.
Second Wave Shit:
It happens when you're done shitting, you've pulled your pants up
to your knees, and you realize that you have to shit some more.
Brain Hemorrhage Shit:
Also known as "Pop a vein in your forehead " shit. The kind
where you strain so much to get it out that you practically have
a stroke.
Richard Simmons Shit:
The kind that you shit so much that you lose 30 pounds
Corn shit:
Self Explanatory
Lincoln Log shit:
The kind of shit that is so huge that you're afraid to flush the
toilet without breaking it into a few pieces with your toilet
brush
Drinkers shit:
That is the kind of shit that you have the morning after a long
night of drinking - its most noticeable trait is the tread marks
left on the bottom of the toilet .
"Gee I wish I could shit" shit:
Its the kind of shit where you want to shit, but all you do is
sit on the toilet with cramps and fart a few times.
Spinal Tap Shit:
That's the one where it hurts so much coming out that you swear
it was leaving you sideways.
Wet Cheeks Shit:
Also known as "The Power dump" that's the kind that comes out of
your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the
toilet water.
The Power Blast:
A shit that is expelled by a fart that is right behind it. This
kind makes a lot of noise and soaks everything within a three
feet radius of the bowl.
Liquid Shit:
That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your
butt, splashes all over the inside of the toilet bowl and, at the
same time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute.
Mexican Food Shit:
A class all its own
the Crowd Pleaser:
This shit is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you
have to show it to someone.
Mood Enhancer:
This shit occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby
allowing you to be your old self again.
The Ritual:
This shit occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished
with the aid of a newspaper
Guiness Book of Records Shit:
A shit so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations
The aftershock shit:
This shit has an odour so powerful that anyone entering the
vicinity within the next 7 hours is effected.
The Honeymoons over shit:
This is any shit created in the presence of another person.
Groaner:
A shit so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance
Floater:
Characterized by its floatability, this shit has been known to
resurface after many flushes
Ranger:
A shit which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to
engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only
solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper
Phantom Shit:
This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit
putting it there
Peek-a-boo-shit:
Now you see it, now you don't. This shit is playing games with
you. Requires patience and muscle control
the Bombshell:
A shit that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either
inappropriate to shit (i.e. during love making or a root canal)
or you are nowhere near shitting facilities.
Snake Charmer:
A long skinny shit which has managed to coil itself into a
frightening position - usually harmless
Olympic Shit:
This shit occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any
competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close
resemblance to the Drinkers shit.
Post edited October 28, 2015 by tinyE
