I used to post in this thread all the time. It's what helped me start getting help for depression three years ago.
Since then things haven't went all that well. I've kept up with my prescriptions, doctors, counselors, all that jazz. My mood's pretty stable for the most part. But it's my health that's made the downturn. I'm only 28 but I feel like everything is just falling apart.
June 2013, I suddenly lost vision in my left eye for about five minutes. No warning, no prior tests or blood pressure issues. I am obese, but everything had always been fine; in fact I was told that I was in great shape for my size. I went in, and was told my BP was at immediate heart attack and stroke levels. I was having nightmares at the time constantly as well, so I was put on meds for both. I had a reaction to them with heart attack symptoms and ended up in the ER where the doctor wouldn't listen to anything I said regarding the issue. I opted to stop taking the medication and made a recovery, despite what that doctor thought.
Since then things stabilized for the most part, but there's still something wrong with my heart/chest/blood. I can feel it and I know it, but I haven't had a real doctor for over a year. The doctor I was seeing moved and every doctor that's come at the clinic I go to has left within a few months. I've been in a situation where Nurse Practioners and others almost don't believe me when I tell them that there's still something wrong. The best I've gotten is "We may never know, so don't worry about it!".
We got a BP machine recently so I could monitor my levels. They're ping-ponging all over the place upwards to 170/110 plus, or immediate danger levels back down to 130/80 levels. So on Thursday last week, I was walking when I suddenly felt an intense wrench in my chest, worst I've ever felt. Since then, I've felt moderate to severe pressure on my chest, pain, some weakness in my chest, neck & arms occasionally. I can't get in to see anyone who might be able to help short of the ER...and that ER visit was so dreadful two years ago that I desperately don't want to go there.
Also, about a month ago, I had my second near-death experience. An infection in my tooth rapidly spun out of control within days and entered my head/blood. I developed a severe fever and could barely move. I was talked into going to emergent care to get antibiotics by a friend, and it turns out he probably saved my life. Even with the antibiotics, my eye began to swell shut and by the time I got to the dentist, they freaked out at how bad the situation was. If I had waited those extra three days without the antibiotics, it either could have killed me or done serious damage to me.
Add in my Aunt dying of cancer, so I feel worthless about complaining of anything, and being worried about that situation.
My mood has taken a nosedive as a result. I need help, I need a doctor that'll actually listen to me, but I can't get it. I'm tired of the pills, I'm tired of the appointments, I'm tired of the depression, and I'm tired of all the pain I'm in every day from my chest to migraines to joints, etc, etc. I'm tired of not having any money and feeling like a worthless parasite to my mother. I'm just...tired of it all.
What's the point in any of this if I just continue to get worse and worse?