Which is definitely not helping with the becoming the person you want to be. But also, moving to a new town or getting that new job doesn't just make a new person out of the blue. The absurd thing is, accepting and loving yourself is that all important first step, as difficult as it now seems to be. :(
Aye, I acknowledge that (thanks to self awareness). That's why I am trying to get a time to talk professionally about it via uni system.
My original post was long and dread-y about the mistakes and failures, which is more damning because I *want* to change. It just gets buried under of weird mix of things.
But it's not all doom 'n' gloom; people over uni are cool and I like to hang with them. And the new city is better than the old one. But don't tell that to my old friends.
Anyway, thank you for your concern. I know I am fucked and that's why I try to get professional help to solve "why".