I've just gotten my flu shot. How soon may I expect my flu?

I don't know, man. I don't even play GWENT.

Hey look, an octopus!

Today is February 29th.

That is all.

All I can know is, if somebody tries to beat my sword into a plowshare, I'll shoot him.

The difference between the introvert that I am and my lively, sociable kittens is quite simple to grasp: the litter is always full.

Someone asked me what's the difference between ignorance and apathy.

I don't know, and I don't care.

Every other day, I donate a bag of groceries to the local food bank because my fridge is always empty.

Squares, the lot of 'em!

I've got a sweet tooth, which explains why I'm always dying for dark chocolate. The longevity benefits of cocoa-dense chocolate helped curb my dying and added some extra years to my life.

Nobody knows the troubles I've seen.

Because I never talk about them.

Four squirrels in my yard started fighting using laser eye beams, nunchuks, energy beams and grenade launchers, and I was like, "Goddamn, Squirrel Kombat was tame compared to this shit."

My non-gamer work colleague wants me to sign a petition for the removal of violence in video games because when he was a child, his dog was killed by a truck driver who fell asleep at the wheel.

Ah, spring! That time of year when a young man's thoughts first turn to... Claritin. Achoo!