^ He is immortal and well acquainted with the one we know by names such as Santa Claus.

^ Lies, fully knowing the original name is "Satan's Claws".

^ He confuses Krampus with Old St. Nick.

(And he should know better than to accuse a sixth generation Texan of being a liar.)

^ arrived in Texas riding the mega tsunami wave coming from the Chicxulub meteor impact.

^Has seen that meteor impact and has never taken off his helmet since. This is the way.

^ Has never opened his eyes since they became so bruised.

Dedicated his life to the teaching of master Nai Lon Foil, pretending to be an umbrella.

^ He was seen singing in the rain with Bum Bershoot.

^Was seen selling deathsticks on Coruscant. And live organs on Tatooine. Also, illegal fireworks in Bovina, Texas.

^ He told folks, "Resistance is futile." in Borger Texas, that "You need a knife and a gun." in Cut-&-Shoot, Texas, and "You really aught to get an actual proper noun for your town." in Nameless, Texas.

When he wants to put holes into things and people, he uses the Super Perforator

^ his parents are both descended from the Margraves of Baden-Baden. He uses both his parents' surnames, so his full name is "Neumi Baden-Baden-Baden-Baden"

^ He is currently involved in the development of stealth technology using zinc selenide for a wide array of military applications.

^ Is so involved in stealth that he's silent but deadly.

^ He's dead, Jim.

x.x