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^ uses that same spoon to scoop out and consume their brains
^ eats KFC using chopsticks.
^ He consumes cheeseburgers with a knife and a fork.
^ He consumes candy bars with a knife and fork like George Costanza, and then flies too close to the sun on wings of pastrami.
^ His metal gear is solid.
^ his snake is being punished.
^ His pork is being pulled.
^ His account is overdrawn. And he smells like. . .lemons.
^ He lives on MREs.
^ knows that Jeff Bezos owns a completely unbiased newspaper publication named The Washington Compost.
^ He has absolutely no Idea how to make me laugh until coffee drizzles out of my nose.
^ His boogers are coffee-flavored (sorry, that was disgusting).
^ If he had any regret, he wouldn't have posted it.
^ He regrets having read that post.
^ He regrets having regrets that he wishes he didn't have (wait, isn't that the way all regrets work?).